Dude, confession: Guys watch "The Bachelorette"

Saturday , August 02, 2014 - 10:16 PM

Confession, they say, is good for the soul. Well, to be honest, my soul feels pretty good right now (it's probably because I recently played golf and watched a baseball game, but that's neither here nor there).

Still, I've got a confession to make … a few of them, actually. And they all seem to revolve around the hit ABC reality television program “The Bachelorette.”

Let's see, where to start …

Oh yes, of course, the show itself.

Confession No. 1: I'm well aware of the show. I've seen entire episodes, even fast-forwarding through commercials. Although I'm old enough to be appalled by it, I understand the premise.

However, I, like a lot of other guys out there, pretend to know nothing about the show. Why? Well, that should be fairly obvious. We're dudes, we don't like crying and drama and especially not crying drama.

We like dude-type stuff like, say, sporting events, sporting goods stores, columns in the sports section and, uh, sports cars. We like outdoor activities like golf and biking and walking big dogs down the middle of the street.

We like baiting hooks and tying flies, hunting for things and starting campfires with accelerants ranging from matches and dry kindling to lighter fluids and dried Boy Scout manuals. We pretend to like growing facial hair, doing yard work and going for long morning runs. We also like pretending we don't watch “chick shows” like “The Bachelorette,” while trying to figure out just how far to go in covering our tracks.



Scoff too loudly at the “sissies” who watch and you'll give yourself away by protesting too much. Pretend to know nothing about the show when it comes up in conversation and your silence will give you away (“Dude, everyone's heard of “The Bachelorette.”).

It's best to do what I do and say, “Dude, my wife watches it. I've seen it on TV when I'm walking from garage to the kitchen.”

By now you're probably asking yourself, “Why's Jim even writing about 'The Bachelorette?'”

The reason is because last week former Ogden Raptors infielder Josh Murray made the big-time by “winning” the latest edition of “The Bachelorette.” A charming, handsome devil in the manliest way possible, Murray outlasted numerous other guys on the way to winning the heart of a woman named Andi Dorfman, an assistant district attorney from Atlanta.

Confession No. 2: I didn't realize Josh Murray played for the Raptors. I covered the team back in 2002 when he played here in Ogden. I remember the name but not much more.

Sadly, during a recent vacation I was told one of the guys on “The Bachelorette” used to played for “the Raptors” but I didn't quite get what that meant. Now, this is probably the most embarrassing confession of all but when my wife read me a text from one of our kids saying “Tell dad a guy on 'The Bachelorette' used to play for the Raptors,” I actually thought that meant the Toronto Raptors.

I even asked for a name but when I heard “Josh Murray,” I thought “Never heard of him. Must be one of those end-of-the-bench guys. What a loser.”

I covered the Ogden Raptors for 10 seasons and loved every minute of it. I've seen hundreds of Raptors games and I'm friends with Dave Baggott and John E. Lindquist and lots of the people who work for them. On the other hand, I've spent the last nine years covering the Utah Jazz and the NBA and so, unfortunately, when I heard “the Raptors” my mind was in NBA mode (not to mention on board a big ship in the middle Mediterranean Sea) and I didn't get it.

I'm sorry, Ogden. I really am. You're way better than Toronto.

Confession No. 3: I didn't watch “The Bachelorette” finale (seriously, I didn't) last week but the next day I heard a lot of commotion about this Josh Murray fellow winning it. Then I read on the Standard-Examiner's website (brownie points for me!) how the guy used to play for the Ogden Raptors.

I quickly put two and two together and realize my own stupidity. I also quickly did some social networking on Twitter and Facebook (more brownie points!), joking that I didn't remember anything about the guy, even though I covered that 2002 Raptors team.

Well, as many of you know, I think I'm hilarious and, consequentially, the social media messages I sent out were rather glib, possibly even smarmy. Although I didn't say a word to anyone else, I immediately felt terrible about what I'd said.

Honestly? I really don't remember much about Josh Murray outside of his name. My son, who was a Raptors' batboy in 2002 told me Josh was a really nice guy, so there's that, too.

I cracked a couple of jokes at his expense and I really do feel bad about it. I looked up his stats and he wasn't bad, though obviously not good enough to get to the big time … as a ballplayer.

But he sure did a nice job on “The Bachelorette,” or so I've been told. I've only seen bits and pieces of it on TV while I'm working out and growing facial hair.

Jim Burton is the Standard-Examiner’s sports columnist. He can be reached at 801-625-4265 or atjburton@standard.net. Follow him on Twitter @StandardExJimbo

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