Dan LeBatard

MIAMI -- Heat owner Micky Arison owns not one but two of America's 50 largest yachts, according to a rich-person magazine. He lives on one of them. This isn't excessive in the world he inhabits. Both yachts combined aren't as large as the one built by the Russian billionaire owner of the Chelsea soccer team. Roman Abramovich, who travels with a 40-strong security detail he calls "a private army," took more than a year to build his 560-foot Eclipse, which is almost-two-football-fields massive and can't even be docked in most marinas. It is equipped with not one but two helicopter pads and a submarine.

It is only but one game, so it doesn't mean much because weird and random things happen all the time at the end of close games, as Kobe Bryant can tell you. He went 6 for 24 in his last Game 7, but further cemented his legacy as Winner Guy anyway because crazy and disjointed Ron Artest, who didn't fit with the champion Lakers then and still doesn't really fit with them now, bailed Fearless 6-for-24 Assassin out at the end. Artest, uncommonly honest and much less interested in image and mythology than Bryant is, admitted afterward that he was totally terrified before and during that game, though he said his psychologist helped soothe him.

MIAMI -- Here come those good tears again, so many of them that the napkin in Kenny Anderson's hand breaks apart as he dabs at the sting in his eyes. He graduates from St. Thomas University next month, finally, at the age of 39 -- a full two decades after taking his first college class.

MIAMI -- Before Allen Iverson and Ron Artest, before Terrell Owens and OchoCinco, before Trick Daddy and Lil Wayne -- before America was quite ready, in other words -- there was championship University of Miami football. It was fun, violent, flourescent, reckless and wonderful, but the street getting so close to the library was also pretty new then, and that particular kind of new can scare people the way black heavyweight champion Jack Johnson scared them by dating white women once upon a time.

MIAMI -- Roger Goodell?
Good or evil?
Well, not him. I'm sure he's a very nice man, although I do secretly wish for him to get in trouble with the law just to see if he would have to suspend himself with excessive force, too. Nothing major. Maybe just a couple of glasses of red wine at dinner that puts him at .09, results in a misunderstanding with police and ends with him being Tasered in the street.
I'm joking, of course. He could be Tasered on the sidewalk instead.