Will Durst

Put on your tinfoil hats everybody. Or didn't you get the memo? Its paranoia time in America again. Maybe it's the spring that brings out the crazy in our legislators. Of course, that would assume a semblance of sanity the other three seasons, and nobody wants to bet anything more than lunch money on that proposition.

We may have witnessed a generational sea change the other night at the Golden Globe Awards. Talking about when creator, writer and breakthrough star of HBO's "Girls," Lena Dunham, teetered up to the stage on what appeared to be hockey skates sporting a minor array of tattoos leaking out of her ball gown in front of a world-wide audience. Fortunately her dress had been color designed to coordinate with copious amounts of blue ink.

Thank you ladies, gentlemen and prospective donors, remote viewing audiences, readers, tweeters, and other platform attendees for joining me standing, sitting, lying here as your candidate for elected office, civic duty, greased chute to Swellsville. It is with extreme, reserved, dubious pride that I accept your mandate, challenge, double-dog dare, and I hereby promise, guarantee, secretly doubt that I will represent you to the best of my ability and everything in my heart and soul and man purse.