Text 
No Comments [ Add Comment ]And for good measure, we could throw in 'Jailhouse Rock'
Life at the top by Mark Saal
Yeah, OK, the economy is dropping like a sack of dirt. But amidst the bad news of the last week or two, a little good news made it into the headlines. Namely:
Just because you've committed a felony doesn't mean you have to miss watching "Baby Mama" this weekend.
The Davis County Commission recently renewed a licensing agreement that will allow the Davis County Jail to continue showing videos on Friday and Saturday nights. It's a little reward they've been offering to inmates as an incentive to keep the jail clean.
Films are selected by the jail staff and, according to a story by Standard-Examiner Davis Bureau reporter Bryon Saxton, they "seldom" involve an R rating. Nor do they contain "a lot of violence or sex." Apparently, a lot of thought goes into picking videos that won't "rile" or "ramp up" the inmates.
Of course, that's time the jail staff could better spend, like, actually watching the inmates. So in the interest of helping out, we've taken the liberty of appointing ourself the Official Film Critic of the Davis County Jail. As part of our duties, we're more than happy to make the weekly recommendations as to which movies those temporarily entrusted to the care of the county should be watching.
And, to get the jail started, we've compiled a few lists of films that should -- and shouldn't -- be shown .<2009>.<2009>.
Must-see films for inmates:
l "The Shawshank Redemption" -- Possibly the greatest incarceration movie of all time. They'll laugh, they'll cry, they'll want to beat the stink off Bob Gunton's and Clancy Brown's characters. And yeah, OK, Tim Robbins' character breaks out of prison, but hey, the guy was innocent.
l "The Blues Brothers" -- Running from the law never seemed so righteous. Killer dialogue. Killer soundtrack. Killer car-chase scene .<2009>.<2009>. through a mall, no less ("New Oldsmobiles are in early this year").
l "The Green Mile" -- Another prison movie with heart. Starring Tom Hanks after "Bosom Buddies" but right before he started arguing with volleyballs.
l "Raising Arizona" -- A classidy with a storyline this particular audience can relate to -- including a babynapping, a prison break, a convenience-store holdup and a bank robbery. Plus a reference to the Beehive State.
l "Some Like It Hot" -- Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon play cross-dressing musicans running from the mob. This one shouldn't get anyone too "ramped up," although it does feature a fetching Marilyn Monroe.
l "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" -- Another Coen brothers classic. George Clooney, John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson are on the lam. Oh, George, not the livestock.
l "My Cousin Vinny" -- A movie about two wrongly accused suspects, their lawyer and his hot girlfriend. The bad news: It stars Ralph "Wax On, Wax Off" Macchio. The good news: It also stars the incredibly beautiful Marisa "I Actually Won an Oscar for This" Tomei.
l "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" -- Old West outlaws in a buddy picture. And it's got a great moral for the inmates. That moral? Don't mess with the Bolivian army.
l "The Longest Yard" -- There's the Burt Reynolds original, and then there's the Adam Sandler remake. Show 'em both in a double feature and the irony won't be lost on incarcerated viewers: "Oh sure, Sandler does this and WE'RE the ones in jail?"
Films most likely to start a full-scale riot:
l "Home Alone" -- Two inept burglars face off against child star Macaulay Culkin. This one nearly drove US to a life of crime.
l "Waterworld" -- Kevin Costner stars in what is perhaps the only film that could make Mormons stop praying for moisture.
l "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" -- The Bee Gees cover The Beatles? Break out the riot gear.
l "The Cat in the Hat" -- Another fine mess from Mike Myers. Would you watch it in a box? Would you watch it with a fox? It's a good thing Theodor Geisel was already dead, 'cause this surely would have killed him.
l Anything starring Tim Allen.
Films most likely to quell a riot in progress (by immediately putting all parties into a deep, deep sleep):
l "A Room With a View" -- This is the fastest we've ever nodded off in a movie. And we're including "Sense and Sensibility" here.
l Any film written and directed by Nora Ephron and starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Most notably, the almost-indistinguishable romantic comedies "Sleepless in Seattle" and "You've Got Mail." Which, for several years, we actually thought were the same movie.
l "The Queen." It's about British royalty. It won a bunch of critical awards. 'Nuff said.
And finally, two films you probably shouldn't show at the county lockup, for obvious reasons:
l "Escape From Alcatraz"
l "The Great Escape"
After all, you don't want to start giving people any bright ideas.
Got other cinematic ideas for the Davis County Jail? Share them at 625-4272 or msaal@standard.net.
Add Your Comment
