Chances are, we'd all like a do-over on something.
That's the word from a local counselor, a psychologist and a clergyman, all of whom say it's human nature to long for second chances.
"I think everybody would love to think they could have a do-over of some part of their life where they've made choices that didn't turn out so well," says Steve Watson, a licensed clinical social worker in Ogden.
But as good as that sounds, Watson says, we also have to remember, "You are who you are largely because of the experiences you've gone through" -- both good and bad.
How much we worry about past actions is, in part, due to different personality types, adds Gregory Mayer, a psychologist at the Ogden Center for Counseling and Assessment.
Some folks live in the moment, he says, while others are more "past- or future-focused."
A popular movement today is the practice of mindfulness, "being in the moment, experiencing the now, rather than the future or the past," he says.
"There's a lot to be said there," he adds.
Mark Christ, pastor of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Ogden, says he finds that folks often live their lives as if they expect do-overs.
Although "Groundhog Day" is an entertaining film, Christ (pronounced "Krist") says, "The reality of life is very different -- the reality of life is having to live with choices we make."
When we make mistakes, the pastor says, we have to learn to make the best of them: "That's part of going forward."
If a person is mired in regret over negatives in a past relationship, Watson says, therapy can help him see things differently based on what he knows now.
"You feel bad now because 'X' happened ... how can you manage 'X' differently so it doesn't continue to be a roadblock in your (future) happiness?" Watson says.
For example, he says, "At 40, I understood things about my father that I never understood at 16." Realizing he had this misconception about his dad "changed the character of my relationship I had in my head now," even thought his father had passed away.
When dealing with a regret or a negative event, Mayer says, it's important how you process it.
If we file it in our minds as a hard knock, yet something we can live and learn from, that's healthy, the psychologist says.
If we focus on "I'm defective, I'm a failure, I messed up again" and put the incident in "the More Evidence Against Me file -- that's not good."
-- Becky Cairns
Standard-Examiner staff
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