Step right up and get your One Direction tickets before it's too late

Apr 22 2012 - 7:41am

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So, what are you doing in exactly one year, three months and three days? Got any plans?

What? Couldn't even begin to hazard a guess as to what's on the ol' agenda for that date? Me neither. In fact, I'm not sure I could tell you what I'll be doing next weekend.

But, apparently, thousands of tweenyboppers know exactly where they'll be on that fateful day -- July 25, 2013. They'll be in beautiful, scenic West Valley City at the One Direction concert, swaying to the sounds of some as-yet-unwritten tunes.

Or not. Because a lot can happen in 459 days.

Tickets for the One Direction concert at the Maverik Center (special guest: a band that hasn't even formed yet, whose members are still in junior high) went on sale Saturday. Saturday, people. The concert is more than a year and a quarter away, and they're already selling tickets.

Or, more than likely, sold tickets. Because odds are good that the concert sold out that same day. See, for the band's 2012 U.S. tour, which begins in May, venues sold out in a matter of minutes. As a result, One Direction's handlers have decided to set up the 2013 tour -- and to sell the tickets now.

One Direction, for those of you who are much less hip than me (and you both know who you are), is a hot new boy band from "across the pond." The five young lads were discovered on British television, and they just released their first album in November, "Up All Night (or at Least Until My 11 p.m. Curfew)."

Like so many boy bands before them, each of the dreamy members of One Direction is known for his own "thing." Liam Payne is "the sensible one," Harry Styles is "the charming one," Zayn Malik is "the quiet and mysterious one," Louis Tomlinson is "the funny one," and Niall Horan is "the cute little Irish one."

Oh, sure. They could use a "brooding bad-boy one," but other than that, it looks like they've pretty much got it covered.

Tickets for next year's concert at the Maverik Center start at just $46.50; which is a surprisingly reasonable $9.30 per boy. So it's not so much the price of the tickets that's got me, but the timing.

Seriously, how many industries do you know where you have to pay today for goods and/or services that won't be delivered for more than a year?

VOICE ON PHONE: Let's see, Mr. Saal. We can have a service technician at your house sometime between noon and 4 p.m. on July 25, 2013.

ME: Um, we were hoping to use our refrigerator between now and then. Plus which, I've got tickets to that night's One Direction concert. Don't you have anything a bit, you know, earlier?

VOICE ON PHONE: I'll check ... Ah, yes. As a matter of fact, we do. We could move your service window up to between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. that da--(Click!)

I dunno. I think buying tickets so far in advance is just asking for trouble. All sorts of things could happen between now and July 2013 -- including, but not limited to . . .

* Your musical tastes, as a ticketholder, mature, literally rendering One Direction "so last year."

* Niall and Liam fall for the same actress on some Disney Channel sitcom, setting up a love triangle that eventually breaks up the band.

* That whole Mayan calendar thing.

* One or more band members hits puberty, throwing a musical monkey wrench into those oh-so-luscious harmonies.

* Mitt Romney is elected president and instructs Homeland Security to place all British boy bands on a no-fly list.

* Rehab, anyone? Times five?

* You lose your ticket. Fifteen months is a long time to keep something in your sock drawer. You might forget where you put it. It might get stolen. Or inadvertently thrown out. Ooh, or how about this: The paper fibers in the ticket could actually break down over the course of a year, and you'd be left with a tiny $46.50 compost heap.

Any of the above scenarios happen, and suddenly lots of people have wasted lots of dollars on lots of tickets that aren't even worth the paper they're printed on.

Of course, if I'm One Direction's management, I use the band's current momentum, too. And I wouldn't stop with the 2013 U.S. tour, either. Listen, by the year 2068, the members of this boy band will all be in their 70s. Perhaps savvy promoters should start selling tickets now for their series of farewell concerts, the "Hey You Punk Kids Get Off My Lawn" Tour.

Bottom line? The most expensive One Direction tickets for next year's concert are $86.50 each. If you figure nobody ever buys just one ticket, throw in a generous service charge, plus the ridiculous parking fees at the Maverik Center, and suddenly we're talking about spending north of $200 -- for an event that is nearly a year-and-a-half down the road.

Now, had you taken that same money, and instead invested it wisely, by the time the concert rolls around you could have easily made . . . well, OK, actually your money would all be gone.

But hey, at least you'd have a free evening on July 25, 2013.

Contact Mark Saal, who just happens to be the quiet and mysterious one at the newspaper, at 801-625-4272 or msaal@standard.net.

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