Dating and relationships are natural parts of teenager-hood. Everyone enjoys the fun dates, the memories that are made and the good times that are had.
However, as much as a relationship can be fun, breaking up can be harsh, painful and sometimes downright dirty.
Some Top of Utah teens have shared their ideas on ways to make ending a relationship a little more graceful.
• Don’t text a breakup.
Relationships are kind of a big deal to most people. If there were feelings enough to begin a relationship in the first place, it’s only fair to show respect enough to at least call when things are coming to an end. Ideally, breaking up should be done face-to-face, where each party’s emotions can be seen and expressed without the uncertainty and margin for error that calling can give.
In any event, using text messaging to end a relationship is just rude and disrespectful.
• Be honest, no matter how hard it is.
“Be honest. It’s better to give too many details than too few,” said Peter LaBarge, a junior at Logan High School. “If you don’t give them enough details, you seem vague and they’re left with unanswered questions. Soon they’ll start to doubt themselves and the breakup.”
Lying might be the easiest solution at the time, but in the long run, it just makes things more and more difficult because no one ever got any closure or security in the ending.
• Personal stuff is personal.
We’ve all seen those breakups on different social networking sites that are splayed out over several pages of close friends and family of each party involved. As funny as some of the name-calling and rude remarks can be, it’s mostly just embarrassing for everyone involved.
In the heat of the moment, telling your ex right where to shove their lame excuses might be very gratifying and stress relieving, but in a few weeks or months or however far down the road, it’s going to show just how immature and selfish that remark was.
Jordon Spackman, a junior at Bear River high, agrees, saying, “Remember to keep personal stuff personal. Just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean your past conversations are open to share with others.”
• Once it’s over, it’s over!
At the end of a relationship, there’s no doubt that there was a connection at one point and ending that connection will be hard. Everyone wants to still be friends after a breakup, but it rarely works. There are too many memories of the way things used to be, of the way each person made the other feel, or expectations that each person has for the other.
As Hector Guadarrama, a recent graduate of Bear River High, said, “continuing to try to make any sort of contact is making it THAT much harder to heal.”
No matter how it may seem, once the relationship has reached its end, it’s best to just let it end instead of picking at it.
• Be nice!
An anonymous student at Sky View High said, “Never be rude about breaking up. Let them down as easily as possible. While there will be plenty of bad feelings going around, you can make it a little easier if you’re nice about it.”
At the end of a relationship, it’s easy to be so angry and hurt that a stream of mean, hurtful things about your ex may come out, but really, that’s only making things worse in the long run.
• Stay positive.
The night after a breakup, everyone feels like their most vital organs have been ripped from the body, stomped on by muddy, spiked motorcycle boots, then pureed in an industrial-sized food processer.
Don’t hold on to those hurting, black, painful feelings. Throw them away as quickly as possible. The quicker the pain is abandoned, the quicker everyone involved can move on.
Taking a few hours to talk it out with your closest friends might not be a bad idea. It gives you a chance to let go of some of your frustration and be able to talk feelings out with trustworthy people. Or exhausting yourself in something you enjoy can increase endorphins and promote positive feelings.
In essence, as one anonymous Box Elder High student says, “If the relationship is over, it’s over. Move on and find somebody else.”
Abby Payne recently graduated from Bear River High School. When she’s not singing, writing or talking a million miles an hour, you can always find her reading.
Email her at email@example.com.