Worst job in America?
Last week, CareerCast.com released its list of best and worst jobs in the United States. While "actuary" was named the No. 1 job in the country (Seriously? How great can a job be if nobody even knows what it is?), clocking in at worst job of 2013 was ... drumroll, please ... "newspaper reporter."
Newspaper reporter wouldn't even make the bottom 10 on my current resume, and I've been pretty lucky in employment. Indeed, newspaper reporter isn't even the worst job in the mass media field -- that distinction goes to any "journalist" who spends more time worrying about hair and makeup than the accuracy of a story.
Newspaper reporter? Worst job in America? Not by a long shot.
But don't believe me, ask anybody. I certainly did.
After conducting an unscientific, informal poll among Facebook friends, here's a few of their votes for America's worst jobs:
* Cleaning up after the elephants in a zoo or a circus. -- Ed Brady
* Sewage worker. Deodorant tester. -- Brook and Dave Osmond
* The guy who has to go to Dennis Rodman's hotel room and tell him that the other guests are complaining about the noise. -- Steve Davis
* Politician. They are all liars!!! -- Dan Hexem
* Seriously, I worked at Hot Dog On A Stick, pounding lemons for the lemonade, in that get-up, in public. Ogden City Mall 1983. -- Kelly Petersen Stanton
* Worst job I ever had was unemployed. Pay is lousy and you never get a break. Never kept that one for long. -- Ferril Muir
* Bank security guard in Alaska ... everyone is wearing ski masks. -- Mike Eames
* Fox News fact checker. Producer, director or script writer for Keeping up with the Kardashians or Honey Boo Boo. Parole officer for Lindsay Lohan. Psychiatrist to Gary Busey. Michael Vick's PR director. Yoko Ono's recording engineer. -- Rob Ramage
* Graveyard convenience store clerk ... very low pay and very unsafe. -- Kimball Bitter
* The worst job in America is having the job of telling parents their kid has died in Afghanistan. -- Michael Johnson
* It's got to be working fast food. And I'm not talking about teenage kids. I'm talking adults working fast food. ...That has to be one of the worst jobs in America. -- Ryan Langton
* I think public school teachers have last place locked up. In Utah, anyway. -- Bill Ward
* Worst job -- slaughterhouse worker. -- Justina Bernstein
* Customer support for the IRS. Donald Trump's spiritual advisor. Cleanup crew for the Bourbon Street Mardi Gras after-hours party. -- Bryan Hinton
* My worst job: My cousin owned two mortuaries, and I served notices to people who hadn't paid for their spouse's or child's funerals. That lasted about two weeks, between college quarters. -- Gordon Weeks
* Hands down: WIFE of newspaper reporter. -- Craig Bielik
* The worst job is anything you hate doing -- the best job is anything you love doing. -- Rick Stewart
As for me? What's my vote for worst job in America?
I'd have to say anything in the dairy sciences program up at Utah State University in Logan. I know this because I once was invited to tour the facilities, and although that visit fell through at the last minute, their vivid descriptions preparing me for the tour -- particularly the part about artificially inseminating the cows -- made a lasting impression. That, my friends, is clearly the worst job in America.
Why? Because when your duties routinely involve a shoulder-length rubber glove, you know it's time for a new career path.
Contact Mark Saal at 801-625-4272 or firstname.lastname@example.org.