In computer lingo there are "If, then" rules that set up software commands and functions to run programs. For example, if I push the button with the letter "I" on the keyboard, then the letter "I" appears in this column. It is the way my computer is programmed.
Have you ever made an "If, then" emotional rule for your partner that you probably should have deleted? For example, you tidy up the living room floor and notice a few more items (for instance, a shoe) that belonged to your "sweetie." You get agitated. You then say to yourself, "If my partner leaves that shoe out again, then I will be angry!" It is now the way that you are programmed.
Tomorrow comes. Guess where that shoe is. Oh, and that anger came just as you planned. Next thing you know, your partner is saying, "What's your problem!?!" You are quite willing to share your problem, but you are not being very pleasant about it. Remember, you have an emotional rule that calls for you to be ANGRY. You are following your program.