FARMINGTON -- A year ago, Krista Sue Crossen, a heroin addict, planned to stay clean.
Now the 35-year-old woman, who grew up in Syracuse and attended Clearfield High School, is facing the possibility of serving two sentences of five years to life in Utah State Prison.
She is accused of robbing two Maverik Country stores in Davis County on Dec. 2. She was arrested in Ogden and booked in Davis County Jail the next day.
Crossen agreed to sit down with the Standard-Examiner and discuss how her addiction took over her life, but declined to talk about the specifics of her current case.
"I've been an addict since I was 13," said Crossen, who had been in jail for five days at the time of this interview.
"It's not family, not friends I turn to. I turn to drugs for comfort, for friendship, for love, when I don't like how I'm feeling."
Crossen was one of two people featured in a Standard-Examiner story about heroin addiction in December 2009.
She had been out of the Davis Behavioral Health Women's Recovery Center for two weeks when she was interviewed for the news story.
"I have hopes of changing, but I don't know, I really don't know how," Crossen said Wednesday in her jail interview.
"I put forth the effort, but I lose faith and hope, and then after a while, I think I will never be able to beat (addiction)."
The woman with shoulder-length dark hair was dressed in a blue-and-white striped jail uniform. She sat on a stool behind a plate-glass window in the jail where she is being held on $50,000 bail. She is charged with two counts of first-degree felony aggravated robbery.
Crossen is scheduled to appear in 2nd District Court on Tuesday for a felony arraignment on the charges.
"I'm not a bad person," Crossen said. "I'm just a person who suffers from the disease of addiction."
Crossen said she has tried numerous times over the years to get off drugs, either by herself or through programs.
When she was drug-free, she held regular jobs, including working as a secretary, in florist shops, on production lines and, ironically, at a convenience store.
Just two weeks before she was arrested this last time, she tried again to detox herself, but ended up living with people who were drug addicts, she said.
Crossen's felony records begin in 2003, when she was arrested for drug possession. The judge ordered her to complete the jail's substance abuse program.
Her graduation from the program in 2004 was labeled "successful," according to court records.
Crossen was charged again with drug possession in 2008, according to court records.
She pleaded guilty on Jan. 29, 2009, to two counts of illegal possession of a controlled substance.
She was sentenced to serve three years' probation and to complete a substance abuse program.
On July 4, 2009, Crossen was arrested on a felony warrant for failing to abide by her probation agreement. She spent 60 days in jail and then entered the Davis Behavioral Health Women's Recovery Center, but landed back in jail in February this year.
After she was released this summer, Crossen said she tried to find a job and a place to live that was drug-free, but ended up living with friends who are also addicted to heroin and methamphetamine.
"Here in Utah, I can always find friends who are using or selling drugs," Crossen said.
Crossen was 13 when she smoked marijuana for the first time. By age 14, she had tried LSD. When she was 16, she tried cocaine, and "meth came soon after that," Crossen said.
"Dreams people have in high school, I didn't have," Crossen said. "I was wrapped up in a world where dreams are forgotten."
At 24, Crossen used heroin for the first time and was addicted.
She said the heroin addiction is physical and withdrawal is difficult.
"You get sick," Crossen said. "You puke. You're hot and cold. You have anxiety. You hurt all over."
Crossen said the struggle to stay away from drugs hasn't only been with herself, but also what she has done to loved ones.
Crossen said she does not blame her parents for her addiction. They tried everything to keep her away from drugs.
Her mother, who died from pneumonia while she was in jail in 2009, "was my best friend. She took care of me," Crossen said.
She also thinks if her mother were still alive, life might have been different.
"Deep down, I know (the choices) would've been different for me right now," Crossen said, wiping tears from her face with the back of her hands.
"I miss my mom now more than ever. I really miss my mom."
Crossen said her father shows her unconditional love, but her emotional turmoil is as painful as the physical withdrawal symptoms she is also now experiencing.
One of those emotions has to do with her teenage daughter.
Crossen had hoped a year ago to repair her relationship with her daughter, but hasn't spoken to or seen her for several months.
"How do I go back and forgive myself for the damage I've done to my family?" Crossen said.
"I just can't get past the 20 years of damage. How do you do that? Where do you start?"
Comments