PLEASANT VIEW -- On a recent cool, quiet evening, Heather Brimhall pushed her children on the swings in the backyard of the home she shares with her husband, Brian.
Viewing this scene, one would never guess this stay-at-home mother of three is trained to design air-to-air missiles.
Brimhall spent several years as a successful mechanical engineer, working on various government projects for a defense contractor before leaving to stay home with Hailey, now 7, Brayden, 4, and Ashlynn, 1.
When she started college and chose her major, Brimhall didn't intend to get married anytime soon. She met Brian when the two took an engineering class together at Brigham Young University. At the time, Heather was the only female in most of her courses.
"I chose engineering because I liked math and physics. Also, it was different than what everyone else was doing and I liked that," she said.
Though she enjoys her role as full-time mom, Brimhall, 32, confesses she occasionally misses the professional aspect of having a career.
Stay-at-home moms admit they make sacrifices in order to be the main caregiver; it's challenging to walk away from the recognition and socialization a professional environment offers.
Brimhall certainly enjoyed the recognition she received while working on air-to-air defense missiles.
"It was really neat to have military personnel come in and express gratitude for our work protecting American soldiers," she said.
Emily Lee, 34, formerly a nurse in a newborn intensive care unit, agreed: "You can go to a job every day and it easily defines you, what you can do, what you can achieve. It can be hard to walk away from that. You're left wondering if you're important."
And Becky Arrington, 37, perhaps knows more than anyone the good feelings associated with public recognition.
She found success early in life as a professional country music singer, signing a 10-album contract with Polygram/Mercury Records before she was out of her teens. Her music video, "The Trouble With Love" was completed in May 1993 under her maiden name, Becky Williams. It can still be seen on YouTube.
After recording a full album, she set out on a three-month promotional tour.
"I loved performing on a new stage in a new city every day, but I'd cry myself to sleep every night. It was the opportunity of a lifetime and I was happy to be there, but something wasn't right," she said.
She married her husband, Bryan, around that time. Together, they recognized the need to make some major decisions.
"I was really trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew it just wasn't the right time for a music career. I'd always dreamed of being a mom, and after a lot of prayers, I terminated my contract. The music company knew who I was and what I stood for and didn't even fight me on it," she said.
The decision
Brimhall said her desire to achieve success made her well-suited to an engineering career.
"I like to do things well, to take ownership of projects and to finish them," she said.
Still, she was ready to quit after daughter Hailey was born. Her employer was desperate to keep her on staff and granted her a generous nine-month leave of absence. Her parents moved nearby to help care for Hailey after Brimhall returned to work.
She worked part time for several years. However, after Hailey began preferring her grandmother's attention to her own mother's, Brimhall said she felt pulled in different directions.
"I realized it wouldn't take long for me to get over passing off my engineering job to someone else. The money was nice, but Brian and I knew it would be much better for our children for me to stay home with them."
Arrington loved the friends she made while performing -- she opened for such acts as Alabama, Collin Raye and Toby Keith, and performed for thousands at the Delta Center (now known as the EnergySolutions Arena), the Dee Events Center and USANA Amphitheater.
Arrington said terminating her music contract to stay home was the hardest decision she ever had to make.
"For a while, I wasn't sure if I'd done the right thing. After my first son Justin was born, I thought, 'This is what my life is all about now.' "
Keeping options open
Although Julie Henley, 40, a married mother of three who lives in Pleasant View, doesn't plan to return to the workforce as a registered nurse anytime soon, she still maintains her license.
"I might go back to work someday. It depends on the rest of our lives together. Until then, I can contribute in other ways," she said.
She often shares her nursing skills with the community by talking with Cub Scouts and other groups about safety and first aid. Eager to help those in need, the Henleys are now considering taking in foster children.
Lee also lives in Pleasant View with her husband, Jeff, a real estate broker, and the couple's five children, ages 2 to 11. She doesn't plan to resume her nursing career, but also maintains her certification.
"I'm so grateful to have the options my training affords me. I think of it almost as an insurance policy because I could support my family financially if I need, or want, to," she said.
Melinda Hibbert, 45, recently reactivated her Utah law license in order to help with some local projects. The BYU law school graduate has been a stay-at-home mom for more than 15 years. She and her husband, Steve, live in Layton with their four children, ages 9 to 16.
Hibbert's experience as a business litigation attorney in Los Angeles for 11 years can come in handy. She is also Layton High School's PTA president -- a job made more difficult recently with scandals involving alleged inappropriate relationships between students and staff. She approached administration in mid-October with questions about the investigations.
"They tried to talk down to me, avoiding my questions by citing privacy-related legal issues. I handled a lot of employment-related lawsuits during my career, so I know privacy issues never trump a student's right to a safe learning environment. It felt good to be in a position where I wasn't intimidated by their remarks," she said.
Hibbert said it would be difficult and time-consuming to catch up on all the current laws if she suddenly had to be the main breadwinner. Still, she appreciates the option she has to return to work. She stays busy handling scheduling, marketing and other various matters for Atlantis Pediatric Dentistry, her husband's successful Syracuse business.
For now, she's content spending time serving her family, church and community.
Arrington is also content with her current pursuits, but looks forward to a time when she can devote more attention to her music career. For now, she satisfies her artistic needs by teaching a children's music group, Sounds of Time, out of the Farr West home she shares with her husband, a superintendant for Ivory Homes, and their four children, ages 5 to 14.
She's also a motivational speaker who regularly shares her story of success, sacrifice and joy with others.
Arrington believes becoming a mother doesn't mean leaving everything behind.
"As moms, we can't ignore ourselves. We deserve to do something to fulfill our own needs, too. When I get a chance to perform, I'm all over it. I know there'll be a time I can pursue my interests full time, but for now, my needs are met in other ways."
No regrets
Brimhall said she misses certain aspects of a prestigious career, but has never doubted her decision to leave.
"I made my choice because I knew if I didn't stay home, I'd regret it. For me, I needed to be with them. I'm grateful to be able to afford the choice. We've given up a lot of stuff, but it's worth it. I'm happier than when I was a working mother," said Brimhall, whose husband is a manufacturing engineer.
Arrington said she's happy and has thoroughly enjoyed her life's journey.
"I'd never trade away any of my experiences. I won't say it doesn't hurt to delay my dreams; sometimes I miss that success like no other, but I have a lot of great memories. I still feel that I have something to share. I'm starting to get back into writing music. I know my time will come again."
She said she's certain her decision to leave the professional music industry was the right thing to do at the time.
"I still have voids and hungers and I long to perform. But regret ... regret has never been there."
Brimhall also maintains she has no regrets.
"In the end, I realized I could handle someone taking over my engineering job, but I couldn't handle anyone taking over my job as a mother."
FAMILY STATS
According to a U.S. Census Bureau report issued in September, and based on information gathered in 2007:
* Utah had the highest percentage of households with children under 18 maintained by married couples (82 percent).
* Utah had the lowest rate of single-parent households (15 percent).
* Utah had the lowest percentage of households with children under 18 maintained by unmarried partners (4 percent).
* Utah had one of the lowest percentages of married-couple households with both parents in the labor force (53 percent)
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