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OK, raise your hand if you thought that by 2010 we'd be driving spacemobiles like the Jetsons. It's weird, isn't it?
The hot cars we drove back in the '70s have returned all shiny and new in showrooms, I'm listening to something called "SIRIUSly Sinatra" on satellite radio, and all of these old vintage movies and TV shows are back in vogue.
Nostalgia is the key to 2010.
So get ready to relive some old memories with new coats of self-healing paint and virtual CGI characters that look more realistic than their human counterparts.
Speaking of which, if you haven't seen "Avatar" yet, that would be the 26th reason you should go to the theaters this year, just to have the experience.
As for the rest of these films, some will be awfully familiar, a few (we hope) refreshing and all of them anticipated by a variety of movie fans who like everything from A to Z.
THE WOLFMAN (Feb. 12) -- Talk about a studio hairdresser's dream -- Benicio del Toro as the Wolfman? The guy is already so hairy, just wave a tease comb, a couple of shots of hair spray and -- presto chango! -- you've got yourself a blood-lusting fur ball. Don't be late; I understand the action starts all fast and FURious right out of the gates. Also, expect lots of body parts going in various directions, so the squeamish should go elsewhere.
SHUTTER ISLAND (Feb. 19) -- Martin Scorsese has already won his Oscar for "The Departed," so now he can let his eyebrows down (have you seen those suckers?) and make whatever kind of movie he wants. He decides to stress out Leo DiCaprio again, for the fourth time, in this psychological thriller about a deep, dark secret inside a secluded insane asylum. Sounds like a spooky good time.
GREEN ZONE (March 12) -- While he's waiting for his next Bourne gig (which is looking doubtful), Matt Damon dons some Army fatigues and enters Baghdad, looking for more of those face-card Iraqis. Only, it seems some U.S. political types have other ideas, and boy scout Matt becomes a target to silence what he knows. Conspiracy lovers will be all a-quiver over this one.
ALICE IN WONDERLAND (March 19) -- As if this story isn't wacky enough, run it through crazy director Tim Burton and out of the equally nutty Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, and it just might approximate the true madness of the original Lewis Carroll tale. This film proves once again that those two will do anything Tim Burton asks of them. Check out the costuming in the trailer if you doubt me.
WALL STREET 2: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS (April 23) -- It's hard to keep a good corporate raider down, and thus the return of slick-haired Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas). This story tries to alert the financial system of the impending crisis, while trying to solve the murder of a young trader's mentor. If the slain mentor turns out to be Charlie Sheen, my guess is the prime suspect would have to be his most recent angry father-in-law. Just a shot in the dark.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (April 30) -- Out with the old and in with the not-so-old, as late-40s Jackie Earle Haley takes over the role of Freddy Krueger from early-60s Robert Englund. Ironically, Jackie Earle auditioned for a part in the 1984 original, but lost out to his friend Johnny Depp, who just went along for the ride. Nice move, Captain Jack. What happened to the guy code "Bros. before roles"?
IRON MAN 2 (May 7) -- Robert Downey Jr. returns as Tony Stark, who is deeply depressed that he may have created a monster with his inventions of mass destruction. Everyone wants his precious metallic suit for their own selfish aims, including Mickey Rourke as Russian baddie Whiplash, Sam Rockwell as rival Justin Hammer and rapper Flavor Flav because it would look cool with a giant clock in its center. OK, I made up that last one. But it would look cool minus The Flav.
ROBIN HOOD (May 14) -- From the scowl on Russell Crowe's face in the movie poster, I'm guessing there will be no "merry men in tights" in this version of Sherwood Forest's most celebrated hero. This has the all-business look of "Gladiator" with bows and arrows. But I also see comedic actor Mark Addy will be playing Friar Tuck, so there's hope for a snicker or two (the laugh, not the candy bar) -- but with Addy, you never know.
SHREK FOREVER AFTER (May 21) -- I believe, I believe, I believe DreamWorks has milked this wisecracking ogre for all he's worth. The studio says this is the "final chapter," as Shrek is duped by Rumpelstiltskin and must enter an alternate "Far Far Away" where Shrek and Fiona have never met. Can he reconnect with his one true love? And more importantly, reconnect with his once-loyal audience that spun gold for Shrek at the box office?
SEX AND THE CITY 2 (May 28) -- What possible trouble can Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda stir up this time around in the Big Apple? The rumor mill suggests they're off on a road trip to Morocco. What? The show is called "Sex and the CITY" not "Sex and the DESERT"! How are they going to show off their trendy, high-heeled Manolos in the sand dunes? Didn't anyone involved with this project see that epic thud "Ishtar"? OMG, tell me it isn't so!
THE A-TEAM (June 11) -- I pity the fool who tries to remake "The A-Team" without Mr. T! You say he's NOT in the movie and it's actually better? Well, I stand corrected. It seems these updated Iraq War vets are trying to clear their names of a crime they didn't commit. In the meantime, they escape prison and hire out as soldiers of fortune. Sounds like the old A-Team to me, minus a few letters of the alphabet.
THE KARATE KID (June 11) -- Little Jaden Smith has been watching too many of his dad Will's action movies as he tries his own "wax on" moves in this "Karate Kid" update. He and his mom (Taraji P. Henson) move to China, where he gets picked on by some Beijing bullies. Jackie Chan steps in to school young Jaden in the art of "painting the fence" -- or in this case, the Great Wall of China.
TOY STORY 3 (June 18) -- With Andy heading off to college, the future of his once-beloved toys is in question. Are they simply tossed aside, or do they suffer an even worse fate by being mauled by a bunch of day-care brats? Yep, it's the brats. Woody devises a plan to free his pals from this mini loony bin, but where do they go from here? That answer will determine whether this franchise lives on or whether it gets shelved for years to come. Either way, it seems a little sad, doesn't it?
TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE (June 30) -- This supernatural soap opera reaches its third stage of development as Bella and Edward are reunited, but an evil presence aims to exact revenge. Questions of loyalty arise again, along with issues of mortality versus immortality. What will Bella choose? My guess is she'll string all the beasty boys along for at least another five or six movies, by which time I can only hope her fans will be too old to care anymore.
INCEPTION (July 16) -- Director Christopher Nolan loves to mess with your mind. Looks like he's outdone himself with this crime thriller that takes place inside the imagination of "Juno's" Ellen Page. What kind of world would she come up with? Already I'm encouraged with the inclusion of Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt to the cast list. But if Michael Cera shows up munching on orange Tic Tacs and mumbling cute love songs, I'll douse myself with "SunnyD" and set myself ablaze.
SALT (July 23) -- Angelina Jolie returns to action movies after her yearlong break to take care of her growing family. She plays a CIA operative who's accused of being a Russian assassin. She goes on the run to prove her innocence, but instead is convincing her superiors that she might actually be this highly trained killer. Apparently, she's so good in her role that Brad sleeps with one eye open all of the time now.
THE EXPENDABLES (Aug. 20) -- The aroma of extra cheese on this bad boy is awfully strong as Stallone calls in some old favors from the likes of tough guys Jason Statham, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts and -- get this -- Dolph Lundgren. When I saw the trailer, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Hopefully, it will have enough action to distract from what sounds like some of the most laughable dialogue you'll hear this year, i.e., "Who sent you?" "Your hairdresser!" Oh, snap!
THE AMERICAN (Sept. 1) -- George Clooney plays an American contract assassin who agrees to one last assignment before retirement. Why do they always agree to "one last job"? Don't they know that's how they get dead? He waits in Italy for his final marching orders, but decides to pick up a conscience and a girlfriend while he's cooling his heels, thus exposing himself (not literally, calm down) to potential dangers.
THE SOCIAL NETWORK (Oct. 15) -- A Harvard sophomore nerd gets dumped by a girl in 2003 and goes online to vent his frustrations. This is the precursor to the eventual site known as Facebook. Wonder what the girl thinks of her billionaire dumpee now? Jesse Eisenberg and Justin Timberlake star as founders of this extraordinary enterprise that revolutionized the "face" of the Internet today. Could be LOL.
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1 (Nov. 19) -- Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort have been tap dancing around their final showdown for years. It's time to get busy. Almost. Notice that this final book has been divided into two films -- the first released in November, the second in July 2011. My gosh, these kids will be near retirement age before they even get a chance to graduate.
TRON LEGACY (Dec. 17) -- I guarantee you, Jeff Bridges never thought he'd be donning his neon gladiator suit again nearly 30 years later. But here he is, back as computer genius Kevin Flynn -- who remains within the ENCOM cyberworld but is now being sought by his kid Sean for a little father and son time within the deadly virtual universe. Apparently, they couldn't settle on some nice, friendly Wii bowling.
THE GREEN HORNET (Dec. 22) -- The latest comic-book-to-big-screen adaptation has been fraught with troubles as directors and stars have come and gone. For a while, it was George Clooney and Jason Scott Lee as the Green Hornet and his trusty sidekick Kato. Then it was Jake Gyllenhaal and Jet Li. Now, it's Seth Rogen and Jay Chou? Well at least the vintage "Black Beauty" car that was revealed at Comic-Con looked cool.
GULLIVER'S TRAVELS (Dec. 22) -- Jack Black stars as the famous travel writer who goes to Bermuda and ventures off to the small island of Liliput. There, he meets the tiny Liliputians who look to him as a freakish giant who can help them subdue their neighbors, the Blefuscudians. I'd be rolling my eyes by now if the cast didn't also include Emily Blunt, Jason Segel, Billy Connolly and Amanda Peet. This film is too far away to know if it'll be any good or not. Although, Jack Black has been a bit more "miss" than "hit" of late -- not a good sign.
THEY MARCHED INTO SUNLIGHT (No release date set) -- Director Paul Greengrass takes a look at October 1967, when the tide turned in the Vietnam War. Sixty-one American soldiers were ambushed by the Viet Cong within a few days of a student protest on a Wisconsin campus against the makers of napalm and Agent Orange. President Johnson would say in the aftermath, "How are we ever going to win?" It's supposedly a great book, and with Greengrass at the helm, it undoubtedly will be a great movie.
THE TREE OF LIFE (No release date set) -- This is another life-affirming film from the always fascinating Terrence Malick. It stars Brad Pitt and Sean Penn in a story about the loss of innocence involving three young brothers. Yet, through years of struggle and strength of family, some revelations emerge that put these men back on a path of peace and fulfillment.
Steve Salles can be reached at films@standard.net.
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