MOSCOW, Idaho -- Feb. 14--Being terrible never felt so good.
Some of the topics -- boogers, werewolves and a plant particular to this region -- filled Mikey's Greek Gyros with gasps and guffaws Saturday night.
It was the second "Worst Poet on the Palouse" competition, a fundraiser thrown by First Book, a nationwide organization that promotes literacy by providing children with their first book. Contestants in the competition paid $2 to read their most terrible tripe while those who wanted to vote for the worst poet paid $1 per vote cast.
"This might be the second best day of my life," said Louise Todd, the newly titled worst poet on the Palouse. "Is it rigged? Yeah, a little bit. When I walked in I had a buyout of 70 votes, but I only cast 30 for myself."
Todd's performance was inspired by Mike Myers' performance in the movie, "So I Married an Axe Murderer," and integrated a candle, drums and a costume change.
Susan Steele, a First Book member and event organizer, said it was thanks to the energy of performers like Todd that the organization was able to raise more than $350.
"I'm just shocked," Steele said. "Someone just walked in and handed me $50 for votes."
Moscow's First Book group organizes about six events annually to raise awareness and funding, most of which are more child friendly, Steele said. Lately, such efforts are critical, not only because the national organization stopped funding local chapters, but also because nonprofit organizations like First Book have seen more competition for donations since the economic collapse.
"This is absolutely our most fun event ... but also a way to really get into the cause," said Dona Black, a First Book member, and one of the poets Saturday.
For Kristin Rourke, a student who is currently in an advanced poetry class at the University of Idaho, the Worst Poet on the Palouse contest gave her a chance to unload some stocked-up poems she's created since adolescence.
"I've been writing bad poems since high school," Rourke said. "My biggest fan is actually my grandma ... but I also have some poet friends that are in the (Master of Fine Arts) program right now. Usually they just laugh and say try again."
Sorority members of Pi Beta Phi from the University of Idaho have helped First Book through its endeavors locally. Members of the sorority attended Saturday's competition and even encouraged a sorority sister to read her own poem titled "Hairy Legs."
To learn more about First Book, visit www.firstbook.com
More poems from Saturday:
"Love is Like the Hairy Vetch"
Love is like the hairy vetch
It wants to bend and wind and stretch
We twined together for a while
But that is not the vetch's style
It winds its vines along the ground
And Grabs whoever next is found
It wraps its tendrils round her heart
And promises ne'er to grow apart
Alone now I'm but a hopeless wretch
I long for you my hairy vetch
You bloom in purplish shades of blue
You're lovely but you can't be true
Now I sit among the hills and sketch
I no longer weep nor moan nor kvetch
For I know tis e'er the vetch's way
to bend and Wind and stray away
So if a nosegay you're asked to fetch
go on and pluck some hairy vetch
You may not like its purplish hue
But hairy vetch will grow on you.
- Ellen Magnuson
Two cops passed in the night
The way their headlights
Flared from their badges
Made them both realize
That their love
Could never be.
One pressed his hand, close to the butt of his
Pistol
Imagined it to be the horn
Of a unicorn that could grant magic wishes
And turn him into a woman.
A shot ran out in the dark
And the other Fell
In love with the way the radio crackled
To call them both back
To the station.
- Kristin Rourke
Roses are red, violets are blue,
but I vomit when I think of you.
Cows are white, their spots are black.
The thought of you makes me hack.
The sky is blue, the grass is green.
If you were my dinner, I'm sure I'd stay lean.
My final thought:
daffodils are yellow and you really are a terrible fellow.
- Caterina Cromwell
Sarah Mason can be reached at (208) 882-5561, ext. 243, or by e-mail at smasondnews.com.
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(c) 2011, Moscow-Pullman Daily News, Moscow, Idaho
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