Time out at the store a disturbing experience
I was in Wal-Mart doing a little grocery shopping the other day, and as I got to the back where the cold food is stored, I could hear a toddler yelling his little head off.
As I neared the screaming banshee, I noted he was about 3, sitting in a parked double stroller, and there was no parent in sight. Curious, I casually kept one eye on the set of lungs while browsing the cracker section.
Soon an older lady stopped at the stroller and looked around for the absent parent. Nowhere. Another lady came over, and then another. Following suit, I trotted over and decided one more nose couldn't hurt.
"Where's your mommy?" I asked the child.
"MAMA! I WANT MY MAMA!" He was so hysterical I thought he might break something, like a lung. As the crowd gathered, we looked at each other. Where in the heck was this kid's mother? He had been hollering for nearly five minutes, and there was no parent in sight.
"What's your name?" I tried soothing him.
"He won't answer," the first lady said. "Where are his parents?" she asked.
"Don't worry," I told him, "I'm sure your mommy will be right back--"
"No, his mother won't be right back!" I hear, looking up in time to see an irate young mother storming up to the stroller and glaring at all of us no-good meddlers. "He's hysterical, so he's in time out. I'd appreciate it if you'd all leave us alone!"
Right. Time out. You've abandoned your kid in the back of Wal-Mart while he's screaming his head off, and you're calling it a time out?
Now Heaven knows I've dealt with my fair share of shopping tantrums. As the mother of three children ages 6 and under, I know exactly how horrible they can be.
But this woman had parked her stroller and ditched her little 3-year-old to teach him a lesson, and she was nowhere to be seen. The lesson seemed clear enough to me: if you're bad, I will abandon you.
I don't know about you, but in my experience, adding a dash of fear to an out-of-hand tantrum usually results in a big, gooey, terrified heap of toddler snot.
There are a lot of ways to deal with a public meltdown (I personally prefer sugar coated bribery), but making a public spectacle of yourself and your terrified child is not at the top of the smart parenting list.
If you think your kid needs a time out, the answer is simple: ditch your cart and take him to the car where he can have a time out in a private, secure, supervised location. Yes, this method is obnoxious and inconvenient, but who ever said parenting was convenient?
I'll tell you right now, leaving the store would have sent a much healthier message to the child: If you misbehave, you don't get to shop with me. I've had to leave an entire cart of much needed food in the middle of the aisle to drag a kicking toddler to the car before; I know how frustrating it can be.
My kids learn early on that shopping with Mother is a privilege, and good behavior is rewarded. Do they always comply? Of course not. Do they always get to come? Of course not.
(For the record, this is why I try to do my grocery shopping between the hours of 9 p.m. and 10 p.m., after my husband is home and the kids are in bed. Ah, the heavenly sound of grocery store elevator music.)
I stuck around to see how the whole thing shook down, and let me tell you, this poor mother didn't win anything. She tried the abandonment technique for 10 very long and brutal minutes, and the kid never stopped crying. I'm sure she left far more frustrated then she would have been if she'd thrown in the towel and gone home to begin with.
Parenting is tough, and small children regularly get caught up in our spokes. But when you're in public, sometimes the best course of action is to go private. Take them home, the bread and milk can wait.
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