I feel bad for kids who don't have parents that hold them accountable.
Recently I was talking to a girlfriend who was telling me about her sister-in-law. This relative has a 16-year-old son who has recently gotten his driver's license. Last week, the school counselor called his mother to say that she'd noticed some recent bad behavior at school and was concerned.
Not only was he falling behind in his classes, but his teachers were reporting that he appreared dazed, disoriented, and had regularly dilated pupils. It doesn't take a masters degree to put two and two together, and the counselor wanted to be sure his parents were aware.
Now, if this were my kid, I'd have him peeing in a cup faster than he could say "Hi Mom!" I'm not saying we should attack our kids because someone is speculating about their behavior, but I would certainly feel justified in checking on him.
According to my girlfriend, this kid's parents did absolutely nothing. Not only did they do nothing, they were offended at the school and promptly explained away his behavior without even confronting him about it.
The facts of the matter are simple. Parenting doesn't start when your child turns 14 and starts dealing with "real" issues that will affect his or her life. You want to make your kid afraid of lying? Catch them when they're four and five and six, and never let them get away with it. By the time they're 14, they're going to think twice about dishonesty or drugs or teenage naughtiness in general. Consequences have a way of sticking with a person.
I recently heard about another teenage boy. This kid has gone so far as to put another child's eye out without getting so much as a slap on the hand. To make matters worse, he's the great brain behind recent neighborhood vandalism; not only is he headed down the wrong road, he's taking people with him.
The biggest tragedy? Even when the proof is plain as pudding, his parents continue to do nothing. Isaac Newton hit it on the head with his third law of motion: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."
I feel sorry for the people who will spend the next 70 years working and living around anyone with a free pass to torment and misbehave, but I feel sorrier for the kid himself. There is a sense of security that comes from knowing you have boundaries and that someone is going to enforce them. Hey, I'd rather see my kid spend seven minutes in time-out than seven years in prison.
To be fair, it's so much easier to protect your child from consequences, and frankly, I think most parents agree that there are times when enforcing a rule makes you feel like a heel.
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