Sunday is National Grandparents Day, but you rarely see ads for gifts because we have our grandkids. What else could we want?
And we'll take them. "You need a baby sitter?" my wife and I tell the kids. "Here's movie money. We'll bring diapers."
Being a grandparent is a trip. Last visit, Carla was holding Alice as I stood 3 feet away cranking through another roll of film. Uncle Jeremy stood off to the side, saying, "You two are such grandparents."
We earned this. Grandchildren are our reward for changing a zillion diapers on our own kids, pushing them through school, not murdering them in their teens and holding their hands when adult life knocked them down.
When they reproduce, our job is to spoil their reproductions rotten.
Carla and I are lucky, and not just because our grandchild is healthy and gorgeous. Spoiling the kid rotten is the only job we have.
Grandparents Day was approved in 1979 to recognize the changing role of grandparents. The idealized version portrayed by Norman Rockwell, just like so much about Rockwell's America, is a fantasy rarely achieved.
In an era of 50 percent divorce rates and serial marriages, grandparents need a computer to keep track of which grandkid lives with which parent on what day. There may be a grandma somewhere holding a Thanksgiving turkey just as Rockwell's famous painting shows, but these days the kids around the table each have a different father and second dinners scheduled that afternoon at other households.
Marital discord keeps some grandparents from ever seeing their grandchildren. With all the stepparents around, it is a wise child who knows its own biological grandparents.
Unless, of course, that's who's raising the tyke.
The U.S. Census Bureau says 6.4 million grandparents had grandchildren under the age of 18 living with them in 2008. Of those, 2.6 million grandparents were responsible for most of the food, shelter and clothing of one or more of those grandchildren.
Of these caregivers, 1.6 million were grandmothers, and 983,000 were grandfathers. There are 493,000 grandparents caring for their grandchildren despite having incomes below the poverty level. There are 1.9 million grandparent-caregivers who are married, 1.6 million who still work and 655,000 with a disability.
Here's a question: Who do grandparents get to watch their grandkids while they're working -- their own parents?
Grandparents have the joy and sorrow of knowing the past and seeing it projected into the future through their grandchildren. When I interviewed Wanda Lewis about her daughter's death on a USO tour in 1975, she made a very telling statement: "When you lose a child, you lose three generations."
I like to ponder my grandchildren married, but they can't wait too long. I'm 61, and people in my family tend to marry later. Still, it is a future I see even before that baby learns to crawl.
The future can come crashing down. Craig Dearden, former Weber sheriff, now Weber County commissioner, found that out last week when his son was killed in a plane crash. Jarrod left Craig's four grandchildren with no father and Craig without a son.
I cannot imagine the horror.
"Your kids are supposed to outlive you," Craig told me, "but sometimes life changes the plan."
Changes the job of grandparents, too, which is why I wish Craig and his wife, Sheryl, especially, a very happy Grandparents Day.
Like so many, they're going to need it.
"Wasatch Rambler" is the opinion of Charles Trentelman. You can call him at 801-625-4232 or e-mail ctrentelman@standard.net. He also blogs at www.standard.net.
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