The disciples asked Jesus, "Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?" Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. It would be Jesus' final trip to Jerusalem, and he knew it. The disciples, earthly creatures that they were, wanted to know who would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
The disciples were in Jesus' inner circle. They had direct access to Jesus. They had traveled with him and been personally taught by Jesus. Surely this must earn them a rank in the top echelons of specialness when it comes to the kingdom of heaven.
Scripture doesn't tell us, but I'm guessing the disciples were expecting Jesus to answer. "You are the greatest, of course."
The disciples didn't get the response they sought. They did not understand Jesus is not about the earthly rewards we humans so feverishly seek.
Instead, Jesus called a little child over and said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18)
The disciples were hoping to hear they were special and great. Instead, Jesus pointed to a child and said if you want to be great, become like a child. A child is totally dependent on adults and those in authority.
The ego seeks positional power, status, money, fame. The ego cares about image.
When we are dominated by our egos, we are puffed up. Jesus says if you want to be great, be humble.
Then, Jesus launched into a discourse on conflict resolution. Is it a coincidence that Jesus followed his teaching on being humble like a child with a teaching about conflict resolution? I think not.
Be humble when working out conflict; get the ego out of it, Jesus seemed to be saying. One thing children were expected to be was respectful.
Go to your brother and talk to him about it if you have a conflict, Jesus said. And be humble and respectful.
Jesus listed three specific steps, but the overriding approach is to remain humble. All three steps involved preserving the dignity of those you are in conflict with.
Jesus wasn't saying roll over and be a doormat, or avoid conflict at all costs. He taught we have a responsibility to address conflicts should they occur, but to do it respectfully.
Without gossiping about it; without expecting special favors; without being arrogant; without being rude or insulting; and without arguing to win at all costs.
In short, without ego. Humbly, like a child.
Chris Karcher is the author of Relationships of Grace and Amazing Things I Know About You, available from www.relationshipsofgrace.com and 877-GET-GRACE (toll free).
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