It's The Big Day. And as such, I won't make you wait any longer to open my gift to you.
Here it is, your eagerly awaited parody song for the Ninth Annual Standard-Examiner Life at the Top o' Utah Holiday Gift o' Music Gala Giveaway and Karaoke Extravaganza:
"Oh, you'd better watch out/ You'd better not cry/ You'd better not pout/ I'm telling you why/ Santa Claus is nothing more than an imaginary mythical figure with roots in the historic and folkloric traditions of any number of Western cultures ..."
Ha! Just try singing THAT one around the ol' holiday spinet.
Now, for the benefit of any of you young tykes out there who might be reading this -- and if you are, somebody really ought to call the Division of Child and Family Services on your parents -- let me just say that your old Uncle Mark does indeed believe in the existence of Santa Claus.
But that wasn't always the case. A little holiday story, if I may ...