FORT WORTH, Texas -- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones delivers verbal gold like "launch us to the playoffs and beyond" with such regularity that, really, he does my job for me a lot of days.
And I feel really lucky to watch Dirk in his prime, and Nolan in his element, and Modano in whatever years he has remaining. All make covering sports in Fort Worth-Dallas-Arlington-et al. such a daily blast.
So on this, the last shopping day before Christmas, as a kind of thank-you, I have put together a procrastinator's guide to who needs what for Christmas.
--Jerry Jones: Justification for his faith. He has believed in this Cowboys team and coach when everyone else was screaming to fire everybody.
--Tony Romo: A little credit. Romo blame has reached crazy proportions, to a point where an opinion has taken root that the Cowboys will never win with him at QB. Go sell crazy elsewhere. He's been really good this year, and he deserves a little love.
--Terrell Owens: Another year in Buffalo.
--Gary Patterson: A big bag of "fight the power," better to help him vote his Horned Frogs No. 1 in the final coaches' poll.
--Rangers fans: A quick and easy transition to owner Chuck Greenberg, with hope that he has invested his big pile of money wisely.
--Wade Phillips: A playoff win, which I promise not to dismiss as a baseball stat.
--Michael Young: A playoff win, too. He actually has a plethora of baseball stats, impressive numbers that deserve a chance to be on display in the World Series.
--Jon Daniels: A big-league budget. So he's able to actually spend at least one off-season acquiring big-league talent.
--Jason Garrett: A way-back machine. So he's able to go back and say yes to Baltimore, or Atlanta, or really any of those teams that wanted to hire him back when he was The Redheaded Genius, not simply The Redheaded Jason.
--Illinois coach Ron Zook. A big thank-you for hiring offensive coordinator Mike Schultz. In his absence, TCU's offense has flourished. Coincidence, or not, thanks seems only fair.
--Roy Williams: Miles Austin's stats.
--Miles Austin: Roy Williams' contract.
--More Wade: If Gift No. 1 is on back order and unable to be delivered until 2011, the knowledge he had a team of winners, just not in the Jimmy Johnson sense of the word.
--Dallas Stars: Relevance. I admit a little selfishness in this because I love hockey and miss the days when everybody cared.
--Tom Hicks: Black ink.
--Mountain West Conference: Automatic qualifier status for the BcS. A well-deserved gift for a conference whose teams just keep winning bowl games against big teams.
--Dirk Nowitzki: Chris Bosh.
--TCU's Jeremy Kerley: A really cool, highlight-reel punt return for the Fiesta Bowl. OK, this probably qualifies as selfish, too.
--More Jerry: A GM. He doesn't think he wants one, but he does. He really, really does.
--Nolan Ryan: Freedom. To spend what he wants, to say what he feels and to do what needs doing for playoff baseball in Arlington.
--University of Texas professors: A tape of The Rock saying "know your role" again and again. Whining about Longhorns coach Mack Brown's bonus is unbecoming. And really, until fans pay to attend spelling bees and science labs, just say 'thank you' for all of that money he brings in and national exposure generated.
--Josh Hamilton: A copy of the Home Run Derby, circa 2008. Everybody liked that Josh better.
--Mike Modano: Another Stanley Cup run. Don't quit. No one cares you're not 30. They just want to see you have a chance for one more.
--Shaun Suisham: A game-winning field goal as time expires Sunday. Everyone deserves a chance to go back and stick it to the people who said he was not good enough.
--Nick Folk: A second chance, just not with the Cowboys, not this season anyway.
--Mat McBriar: An official PAD, Punter Appreciation Day, because punters need love, too.
--Flozell Adams: An embrace of his inner "dirtbag." Giants defensive end Justin Tuck insulted Flo by calling him a d-bag, but as Little Mora -- Seattle coach Jim Mora -- recently noted, every team needs a few dirtbags, so this can be Flo's gift.
--DeMarcus Ware: Shoulders. Next time he is carried from a field he deserves shoulders, not a stretcher, as his vehicle.
--Mavericks owner Mark Cuban: An apology from NBA commish David Stern. Because disgraced NBA ref Tim Donaghy alleged what anybody watching Game 5 of Mavs-Heat in the 2006 Finals already deduced. His Mavs got screwed.
--More Jerry: What do you give a man with enough money to build a billion-dollar stadium? A gift everybody enjoys, like a winning December so we have football well into January for once and not just bye-week victories and baseball stats to celebrate.
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