This King's life is nothing to envy

Jun 11 2011 - 5:35pm

Got a great idea for a new video game.

Tentative title: Messin' With the King.

It's a first-person game where you get to experience what it must feel like to be LeBron James in his first season with the Miami Heat.

Not just dunking and rejecting and shooting long threes.

Not just hanging with Drake and filming all those silly TV commercials.

The whole deal.

All the ugly stuff would be in there, too.

So grab the controller, slip on the special sensory headband and focus on the flat screen.

Take a deep breath, and away we go ...

OOF! Here comes a media geek asking about "shrinking" in the fourth quarter.

BAM! Here's another media guy asking if you're "feeling the pressure" from your long-running quest for that first NBA title.

YIKES! Here's Mavericks forward DeShawn Stevenson, talking smack about how you "checked out" in your eight-point Game 4.

No guns in this game. We need that "Teen" rating to increase our sales reach.

Just one swing of your massive forearm, and the latest distraction goes flying off the screen.

Extra points for headshots, of course.

The second level?

That would have to be the Room of Rumors, where invisible evildoers hide behind the cloak of anonymity and try to tear you down with lies.

Doesn't matter if the rumor makes any sense. Doesn't matter if there's no corroboration or photographic evidence.

The rumor still gets picked up by every hit-hungry Internet site you've never heard of and foisted upon a jealous public.

Soon enough, it's a trending topic on Twitter, and even the legitimate news agencies are feeling pressure to report it.

Not realistic enough for you?

Well, consider the latest LeBron rumor.

It came out of Houston, where a hip-hop DJ at 97.9 The Box went on the air Thursday to share a rumor about an alleged affair involving James' fiancee, Savannah Brinson, and Wizards forward Rashard Lewis.

This host claimed to have "a very reliable source" in Orlando, someone who was "all over the Tiger Woods issue" before it became public. This person mentioned a rumored tryst on South Beach between Brinson and Lewis, a former Magic player.

"Word got to him while at the bar," the host said of his mysterious source.

Great. So now we're passing along third-hand rumors heard on Jell-O Shot Night?

The scariest part was that for too many hours the rumor seemed to gain traction. People started connecting dots, cross-referencing the Houston "report" with another on Twitter suggesting James was struggling with "personal issues."

Suddenly, Lewis taking his "talents to South Beach" had to be the only reasonable explanation for LeBron's career-worst showing in Game 4.

Fortunately, Lewis, who is from Houston, called the station Thursday night to set the record straight.

"Those rumors are 100 percent false," Lewis told the station. "I don't know how they came up."

Lewis said he reached out to James' stepfather and assured him the rumors were "completely false."

"He said on their side of the camp, they know it's not true," Lewis said. "They don't believe it. He told me not to worry about it at all."

And then James went out for Game 5 and suffered through another two-point fourth quarter in a 112-103 loss.

Distracted?

Uh, you think?

Lewis' best guess was this rumor originated with anti-James forces who want to see him fail.

Maybe the same sort of fools who put that unfounded stuff out there about Delonte West and Gloria James, LeBron's mother, during his final playoff series with the Cavaliers.

"They need to let the man play," Lewis said. "He's trying to win a championship, and they're putting all this negative stuff out about him, messing with his head. They need to leave the man alone and let him play."

Still want to trade lives with the King?

Didn't think so.

But it sure would make a great video game.

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