Church basketball: What ever happened to brotherly loveIJ
During a recent church ball game, I found myself wondering what sick-minded person honestly thought of the idea of combining church and basketball.
My team was being throttled, 77-21 to be exact, and the other team showed no signs of tiring. I was actually expecting them to break 100 points. However, our loving head coach finally stepped forward and said we were forfeiting the game. Thus brought the end to the mass slaughter referred to as the LDS 6th Ward versus the Meadows Ward B.
In 2006, a movie released by Halestorm entertainment became one of the most hilarious and widely acclaimed portrayals of church basketball. “Church Ball” showed how many men, from ages from 20 to 87, participate in basketball as a way to increase physical activity, sportsmanship and brotherly love. The film became well known as an excellent example of the LDS Church and the members’ athletic ways.
Church ball and brotherly love have about as much in common as BYU and the University of Utah.It’s not a growing testimonial experience for anyone. It’s more like grown men trying to relive their high school glory days using their new hip replacements and fake knees.
However, in the LDS Church’s young men’s program, things are a little bit different. They are the young, stalwart men who will one day be the leaders of the world when they enter the church. However, the moment these boys step on the court, the suits come off and the gloves go on.
I’ve often wondered if there have been more conversions than injuries in church ball. The rules that are attempted to be enforced are good, but rarely followed. For some strange reason certain people who are over 6-foot 4-inches have the urge to dunk a basketball. It’s ridiculous, but it’s often considered a sign of superiority if you can put an orange ball through a hoop with your hand. However, in church ball even touching the rim earns you a technical foul.
Things always reach a head during the late part of the matchup. At this time, one of two things is happening: Either the two teams are deadlocked in a tight contest, or one team is using their superior age and speed to completely blow away their opponents. Tempers flare and occasionally lead to physical battles in the post. As an avid church-ball player and the son of another, I would like to say I’ve seen it all.
Some of the not-so-brotherly activities that I’ve witnessed during these altercations include, but are not limited to, shoving, yelling, swearing, fist fights, elbows thrown, angry parents and/or wives, and hard fouls. The hard foul is the most sensible way for one to pay back their opponent, but we no longer follow the law of an eye for an eye anymore. Instead of turning the other cheek like we are supposed to, we find ourselves turning our opponent’s cheek with part of our upper body that is usually used to grab things.
The simple way to solve all this contention is to just forget about the game and have fun. The fact of the matter is the winner of the church-ball championship will usually end up getting a trophy roughly the size of an iPod touch. I received a bigger trophy for taking my mom’s dance class for three years than the size of the ones the church-ball champions win.
Church ball was made to be a source of fun. There’s nothing like an invigorating game of basketball, but the game of church basketball should not be compared to street ball or pee wee football games.
So I call upon all the young men aged 12 to 87 to put the fists down, don’t yell at the poor blind referee and don’t use church ball as a reason to attack the guy who stole your girlfriend. The game is made for promoting brotherly love. Let’s actually start using it for that reason before someone else important gets injured.
Riley Wheeler is a junior at Fremont High School. If you wish to explain to him why you had a good reason for smashing the stake Elders’ Quorum president in the face or blocking the shot of a 12-year-old who only comes up to your hip, please contact him at wheelerri@wsdstudent.net.
See a trailer of the movie “Church Ball”