A friend of mine once asked me what it would take for me to leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He had left the church, and I assume he was trying to determine my rationality. If I said I would remain in the church no matter what and that nothing could ever compel me to leave it, it could be said that I wasn’t rational and that anything I had to say about religion should be dismissed. Admittedly, I struggled to think of an answer to my friend’s question. Because of numerous experiences I have had, I feel as if I have had it confirmed to me that the church is what prophets, apostles and many others over the years have claimed that it is: the true church of Jesus Christ. I can’t remember what I ultimately said in response, though I know it was something I believed there to be no chance of happening. I recognize that I give church leaders a wide latitude to make adjustments because I know the Lord’s ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:9), and I believe that the church is “built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone.” (Ephesians 2:20)

This memory of my friend’s question and my response to it was brought to my mind this week as I thought about doubt as it relates to faith. It struck me that I’ve never really doubted the claims of the truthfulness of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Sure, I’ve had my share of questions over the years regarding certain events in church history and various issues, but I’ve never really had what I think would be considered a “faith crisis” where I gave serious consideration to leaving the church. Probably the closest I ever came was a moment when I was in high school when I had some questions about church history and some of the teachings that had never been brought to my attention before. I remember I felt frustrated because I couldn’t find answers, and one day I wondered what if the church wasn’t true. But almost just as soon as that thought came into my mind came a reassuring voice that I knew the church was true, as well as a specific memory of a situation I once was in where I had that testified to me by the Holy Ghost.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering if I’m simply a product of my being raised in the church. My parents took me to church as a child, I was baptized when I was 8 years old, I was ordained to the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthoods at the customary ages and I attended seminary as a high school student. Frankly, I was set up perfectly to be a lifelong, unwavering member of the church. I never heard my parents question anything about the church or its teachings and policies.

But I also know that many have left the church who had similar childhoods. How is it that I stayed while they left? Perhaps someone could say I am too afraid to leave. I am too afraid to see a different perspective. I am too afraid to challenge my testimony. I don’t know. I don’t consider myself a foolish person, though many reading this may think otherwise. I don’t want to belong to a church, much less one that requires me to pay 10% of my income, unless I truly feel like it is correct.

I think President Dallin H. Oaks articulated the thoughts in my heart well in 1971 when, as president of Brigham Young University, he said at general conference: “I have measured its requirements by reason and found them satisfying. I have put its precepts into practice and felt their good effects in my life. I have seen the gospel work good in the lives of others. I have observed miraculous things. But these signs follow them that believe. I know that the gospel is true because my Father in heaven has answered my prayers and borne witness to me by the power of the Holy Ghost. I am devoted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am loyal to the chosen servants of the Lord, whom I sustain with all my heart.”

And it’s not like I’ve sheltered myself from criticism. I have become familiar over the years with I think just about every attack there can be made against the church, its doctrine, its policies and its history. Yet in every case I have found what I believe to be a satisfying explanation, certainly satisfying enough that it doesn’t overpower the feelings of confirmation that the church is true that I have received.

I guess I just have a heart that believes. It simply makes sense to me. I suppose I’m one of those referenced in “Doctrine and Covenants 46” who has a gift to believe.

“For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.

“To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

“To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.

“To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.” (D&C 46:11-14)

This passage is talking about knowing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he was crucified for the sins of the world, but I think it could also be applied to knowing that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he restored Jesus Christ’s church on the earth. I simply believe it.

On the topic of specific feelings of confirmation that I have had, it’s hard to put them into words. Again drawing upon a church leader who articulates my thoughts well, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said during an October 2015 general conference talk titled “Be Not Afraid, Only Believe”:

“I wish I could help everyone to understand this one simple fact: We believe in God because of things we know with our heart and mind, not because of things we do not know. Our spiritual experiences are sometimes too sacred to explain in worldly terms, but that doesn’t mean they are not real.”

I shall attempt to provide one example. I remember giving a talk in church just before I left on my mission, and during that talk I referenced a portion of “Joseph Smith–History” in the “Pearl of Great Price” where Joseph Smith spoke of the reaction to his vision. The words he said that I read were:

“However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.”

“So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.” (Joseph Smith–History 1:24-25)

The feeling I had as I read those words to the congregation, particularly the last part, will never be forgotten. I felt completely overwhelmed in a way that is impossible to describe, in a way that I cannot recall ever feeling before. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say I just knew he was telling the truth. I knew it in my mind and in my heart, just as the Lord told Oliver Cowdery through Joseph Smith that he would receive knowledge.

“Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.

“Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground.” (Doctrine and Covenants 8:2-3)

I once heard a quote by former president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the church Boyd K. Packer where he said “a testimony is to be found in the bearing of it.” I know that’s true because I know how I felt as I shared Joseph Smith’s testimony.

That was just one of many experiences I have had.

In saying all of this, my intent is not to brag. I’m reminded of Ammon when he was rebuked by his brother Aaron for what Aaron feared was boasting.

“But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

“Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things.” (Alma 26:11-12)

I know that everyone has been given different gifts and blessings, both temporal and spiritual, and I am simply grateful that Heavenly Father has seen fit to give me the gift of strong belief. It has proven to be extremely beneficial to me in my life as I’ve passed through sorrows and tribulations that no person with even an ounce of goodness would wish on anyone, even their most bitter enemy. Because I recognize that it’s a gift and I’m grateful for it, I don’t seek to hide it or diminish it but to humbly share it. If it ever helped just one person, then I would consider it worth it.

Contact Ryan Comer at rcomer@standard.net. Follow him on Twitter at @rbcomer8388 and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rbcomer8388.

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