“My brothers and sisters, except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing, so while in mortality let’s strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call ‘toxic perfectionism,'” he said during an October 2017 general conference address.

Earlier in the talk, he said:

“What I now say in no way denies or diminishes any commandment God has ever given us. I believe in His perfection, and I know we are His spiritual sons and daughters with divine potential to become as He is. I also know that, as children of God, we should not demean or vilify ourselves, as if beating up on ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to become. No! With a willingness to repent and a desire for increased righteousness always in our hearts, I would hope we could pursue personal improvement in a way that doesn’t include getting ulcers or anorexia, feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem. That is not what the Lord wants for Primary children or anyone else who honestly sings, ‘I’m trying to be like Jesus.'”

Imperfections and mistakes are a part of life. But the proper reaction isn’t self-loathing or low self-esteem, but rather “a willingness to repent and a desire for increased righteousness always in our hearts.” That is how we show we are “trying to be like Jesus.”

Ryan Comer, Standard-Examiner

Repentance was the theme of an address at last month’s general conference by Sister Tamara W. Runia, first counselor in the Young Women General Presidency of the church.

Like President Holland back in 2017, Sister Runia delivered a message meant to uplift those who may be weighed down by the constant realization of their shortcomings, and like President Holland, repentance was at the heart of the counsel.

“Today I want to speak to those of us who sometimes feel, ‘Repentance and forgiveness seem to be working for everyone but me,'” she said. “Those who privately wonder, ‘Since I keep making the same mistakes, maybe this is the way I am.’ Those who, like me, have days when the covenant path feels so steep, it’s almost a covenant hike!

“A wonderful missionary in Australia, Elder QaQa from Fiji, shared a similar feeling in his departing testimony: ‘I know that God loves me, but sometimes I wonder, ‘Does God know that I love Him?’ Because I’m not perfect, and I still make mistakes.’

“In that one tender, haunting question, Elder QaQa summed up exactly what I’ve often worried about. Maybe you’re wondering too, thinking, ‘I’m trying so hard, but does God know I’m really trying? When I keep falling short, does God know I still love Him?'”

These are heavy thoughts that I’m sure are not unique. It’s hard when you are trying to accomplish something and you make a mistake. You’re trying to do things the right way so that you can return to Heavenly Father, but you make mistakes, and when that happens, you feel like you’ve taken a step back. Certain mistakes can feel like bigger steps back than others.

But that is why Sister Runia’s message is so important, because it shatters the idea that people have to be defined by their mistakes, that our eternal aspirations are necessarily crushed by the fact that we make mistakes.

“It saddens me to admit this, but I used to measure my relationship with the Savior by how perfectly I was living,” Sister Runia said. “I thought an obedient life meant I would never need to repent. And when I made mistakes, which was every single day, I distanced myself from God, thinking, ‘He must be so disappointed in me.’

“That’s just not true.

“I’ve learned that if you wait until you’re clean enough or perfect enough to go to the Savior, you’ve missed the whole point!

“What if we thought about commandments and obedience in a different way?

“I testify that while God cares about our mistakes, He cares more about what happens after we make a mistake. Are we going to turn to Him again and again? Are we going to stay in this covenant relationship?”

It’s a simple analogy, but if you’re walking somewhere, and you fall down, does that mean you are no longer capable of getting where you need to go? Only if you refuse to stand up and keep walking.

Turning to God after we make a mistake, choosing to stay in a covenant relationship with him, is like standing up and continuing to walk.

Repentance is how we turn to God and choose to stay in that relationship.

“Maybe you hear the Lord’s words ‘If [you] love me, keep my commandments’ and feel deflated because you haven’t kept all the commandments. Let me remind you that it is also a commandment to repent!” Sister Runia said. “In fact, it might be the most repeated commandment in the scriptures.

“In Alma’s soliloquy, ‘O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of [my] heart … and cry repentance,’ he wasn’t trying to shame us by pointing out our mistakes. He wanted to cry repentance so that you and I could avoid suffering in the world. One reason Alma hated sin is because it causes us pain.

“Sometimes I have to remember, like a Post-it note on my forehead, that the commandments are the path away from pain. And repentance is too. Our prophet said, ‘The Savior loves us always but especially when we repent.’

“So when the Lord says, ‘Repent ye, repent ye,’ what if you imagined Him saying, ‘I love you. I love you.’ Picture Him pleading with you to leave behind the behavior causing you pain, inviting you to step out of darkness and turn to His light.”

If God’s work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, then there can be no doubt that he loves us “especially when we repent,” because by repenting, we are choosing to stay on the covenant path and keep moving toward him.

Thought of like this, repentance doesn’t have to be scary. Why should we be scared to do something that ultimately helps us to be able to return to God’s presence?

Continuing on that thought, Sister Runia said:

“In my daughter Carly’s ward, a new priest knelt to bless the sacrament, and instead of saying, ‘That they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son,’ he inadvertently said, ‘That they may do it in remembrance of the love of thy Son.’ Tears filled Carly’s eyes as the truth of those words sank in.

“Our Savior was willing to suffer the pain of His Atonement because He loves you. In fact, you are ‘the joy that was set before him’ while He suffered.

“The invitation to repent is an expression of God’s love.

“Saying yes to that invitation is an expression of ours.

“Picture your favorite image of Christ. Now imagine Him smiling brightly with joy each time you use His gift, because He is the ‘perfect brightness of hope.’

“Yes, your repentance doesn’t burden Jesus Christ; it brightens His joy!

“Let’s teach that!

“Because repentance is our best news!

“We don’t stay on the covenant path by never making a mistake. We stay on the path by repenting every day.”

If God loves us “especially when we repent,” then it also logically follows that he’s not going to shame us as we repent. Why would he shame us for doing something that he wants us to do because it helps us return to him? Shaming is Satan’s tactic to try and prevent us from repenting, because his goals for us are the complete opposite of what God’s are. He wants all to be as miserable as him, and he knows repentance will make us less miserable.

“Satan, the great accuser and deceiver, uses shame to keep us from God,” Sister Runia said. “Shame is a darkness so heavy it feels that if you took it out of your body, it would have an actual weight or heft to it.

“Shame is the voice that beats you up, saying, ‘What were you thinking?’ ‘Do you ever get anything right?’

“Shame doesn’t tell us we made a mistake; it tells us we are our mistakes. You may even hear, ‘Hide.’ The adversary does everything in his power to keep the heaviness inside, telling us the cost is too high, that it will be easier if this stays in darkness, removing all hope.

“Satan is the thief of hope.

“And you need to hear this, so I’ll say these words out loud: You are not the voice in your head or the mistakes you have made. You may need to say that out loud too. Tell Satan, ‘Not today.’ Put him behind you.

Throughout the rest of her talk, Sister Runia highlighted other important principles. She spoke of worth being constant, not tied to obedience.

“Obedience brings blessings; that is true. But worth isn’t one of them,” she said. “Your worth is always ‘great in the sight of God,’ no matter where your decisions have taken you.”

She spoke of everyone going through life in their own unique situations and the Savior truly knowing the difficulties we are dealing with.

“I want a relationship with the one person who gets me, who knows my heart and how hard I’m trying!” she said.

She spoke of our desires for righteousness.

“Remember King Benjamin’s people, who had no more disposition to do evil but only to do good continually?” Sister Runia asked. “Do you think they packed up their tents, went home and never made another mistake? Of course not! The difference is they no longer wanted to sin. They had affectionate obedience! Their hearts were turned and tuned to God while they struggled!

“Once, at the beach, I saw a bird flying into the wind, flapping its wings so hard, almost frenetically, but staying in the same place. Then I noticed another bird, higher up. It had caught an updraft and was floating easily, unburdened in the wind. That’s the difference between trying to do this by ourselves and turning to our Savior, letting Him lift us, with ‘healing in his wings.'”

Near the end of her talk, Sister Runia said:

“I stand here to witness that Jesus Christ gives light to those who sit in darkness. So, on those days when you feel that voice telling you to hide, that you should hide in a dark room all by yourself, I invite you to be brave and believe Christ! Walk over and turn on the Light–our Perfect Brightness of Hope.

“Bathed in His light, you’ll see people all around you who have felt alone too, but now, with the light on, you and they will wonder, ‘Why were we so afraid in the dark? And why did we stay there so long?'”

It’s easy to look at repentance as a burden – a reminder of how imperfect we are. Indeed, repentance is a reminder of that. But without it, we would never be able to return to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We would be eternally unclean. So it should also be a reminder of how much they love us that they provided that mechanism for us whereby we can return to them.

That knowledge should make repentance not a burden for us, but a blessing.

Contact Ryan Comer at rcomer@standard.net. Follow him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rbcomer8388.