“I will never forget the promise of my maternal Grandfather Harris, when we children were living on his farm near Payson, Utah,” said the president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and next in line to become president of the church following the death of President Russell M. Nelson according to the talk as published on the church’s website.

“He gave me the tragic news that my father had died in faraway Denver, Colorado. I ran into the bedroom and knelt beside the bed, crying my heart out. Grandpa followed me and went to his knees beside me and said, ‘I will be your father.’ That tender promise is a powerful example of what grandparents can do to fill in the gaps when families lose or are missing a member.”

It was an impactful moment not just because of the words but because of the emotion that was clearly noticeable as President Oaks spoke them, and the emphasis he put on the words “I will be your father.” His grandfather sounded resolute and strong. I took note of one of my sons, who may not have been paying the closest attention to what President Oaks had been saying before then, and saw him suddenly fixate his attention on the television.

President Oaks has a testimony of the importance of family, and his remarks at the conclusion of the conference expounded on that testimony. He taught of God’s plan for families, the disintegration of the family unit in society and how families can be strengthened, even if they are nontraditional – like his was growing up.

Ryan Comer, Standard-Examiner

God’s plan for families

To begin, President Oaks highlighted the 30-year anniversary of the family proclamation, which states that “the family is ordained of God” and “is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

Also according to the proclamation, which President Oaks highlighted, “God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force,” and “God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”

He quoted President Nelson, who said the family is “pivotal to God’s plan” and that exalting the family is a purpose of the plan.

“The Church of Jesus Christ is sometimes known as a family-centered church. It is!” President Oaks said. “Our relationship to God and the purpose of our mortal life are explained in terms of the family. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the plan of our Heavenly Father for the benefit of His spirit children. We can truly say that the gospel plan was first taught to us in the council of an eternal family, it is implemented through our mortal families, and its intended destiny is to exalt the children of God in eternal families.”

I love when the family proclamation is highlighted by apostles. I remember when it first was released. I was just a middle-school student. I don’t remember thinking that it sounded controversial. It honestly just sounded like standard doctrine that everyone already knew. If anything, I probably thought, “Why does this information require a proclamation?”

Well, as Sheri L. Dew once said, “prophets can see around corners.”

The disintegration of the family in society

Although The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints strongly emphasizes the importance of families, society as a whole diminishes them. President Oaks noted the decline in “the proportion of households headed by married couples” and birthrate over the last century.

Latter-day Saints have not been immune from this decline, President Oaks acknowledged.

“The national declines in marriage and childbearing are understandable for historic reasons, but Latter-day Saint values and practices should improve–not follow–those trends,” President Oaks said.

Contributing to the disintegration of the family, President Oaks stated, is fewer family activities.

“Urban living and modern transportation, organized entertainment, and high-speed communication have made it easy for youth to treat their homes as boardinghouses, where they sleep and take an occasional meal but where there is far less parental direction of their activities,” he said.

President Oaks also spoke of how members of the church make a living as an example of how parental influence has been lessened.

“In times past, one of the great influences that unified families was the experience of struggling together in pursuit of a common goal–such as taming the wilderness or earning a living,” he said. “The family was an organized and conducted unit of economic production. Today, most families are units of economic consumption, which do not require a high degree of family organization and cooperation.”

There are certainly some reasons for marriage and childbearing declines that could sound valid. Higher cost of living and increased housing prices contribute significantly to the feeling that families should be deprioritized.

If ever there was someone who would feel that way, it would have been me. I had a full-time job at a newspaper during my last semester at Brigham Young University, but then suddenly I was laid off. At the time, I was looking to get engaged to the woman who I would later marry.

Completely undeterred, I went on with my proposal plans and she happily accepted. I still remember telling her that I had lost my job. I thought that might be the end of our relationship. I don’t know that she even cared. She knew I would take care of her well enough – and in the most important ways as a priesthood holder – and that’s what mattered more than anything.

We never had to have children. Nobody would have blamed us because she had Multiple Sclerosis. But I remember a meeting with her neurologist one time where I asked if it was even possible for us to have children with her being on a certain drug to control her relapses, and he said it was. Not only that, but he proceeded to extinguish any fear that we had. He wasn’t telling us what we had to do, but he was telling us we didn’t need to be afraid.

Though my wife eventually succumbed to the disease, she bore two children who are now hers for eternity – and who are a tremendous blessing to me as I try and manage my way through life without her.

We can think of a lot of reasons why we shouldn’t get married and have children, but there are a lot better reasons to.

Families can be strengthened even if nontraditional

Having a strong family can be difficult enough in a two-parent household. For those families with only one parent present, it can be extremely challenging. But single parents can still have an impact, as President Oaks learned during his childhood.

“My father died when I was seven years old, so my younger brother and sister and I were raised by a widowed mother,” he said. “In the most difficult of situations, she pressed on. She was alone and broken, but with the Lord’s help, her powerful teaching of the doctrine of the restored Church guided us. How she prayed for heavenly assistance in raising her children, and she was blessed! We were raised in a happy home in which our deceased father was always a reality. She taught us that we had a father and she had a husband and we would always be a family because of their temple marriage. Our father was just away temporarily because the Lord had called him to a different work.”

President Oaks continued:

“I know that many other families are not so happy, but every single mother can teach of the love of a Heavenly Father and the eventual blessings of a temple marriage. You too can do this! Heavenly Father’s plan assures this possibility for everyone. We are all grateful for temple marriage and for the prospective blessings of being sealed as an eternal family. Like my mother, we love to quote Lehi’s promise to his son Jacob that God ‘shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain’ (2 Nephi 2:2). That applies to every Latter-day Saint family, complete or currently incomplete. We are a family church.”

He then shared the story of his grandfather comforting him after telling him that his father had died.

“Parents, single or married–and others, like grandparents, who fill that role for children–are the master teachers,” he said. “Their most effective teaching is by example. The family circle is the ideal place to demonstrate and learn eternal values, such as the importance of marriage and children, the purpose of life, and the true source of joy. It is also the best place to learn other essential lessons of life, such as kindness, forgiveness, self-control, and the value of education and honest work.”

Addressing church members that have family members “who do not embrace gospel values and expectations,” President Oaks said:

“Such members need our love and patience. In relating to one another, we should remember that the perfection we seek is not limited to the stressful circumstances of mortality. The great teaching in Doctrine and Covenants 138:57-59 assures us that repentance and spiritual growth can continue in the spirit world that follows mortality. More important, as families unite to strengthen one another, we should all remember that the sins and inevitable shortcomings all of us experience in mortality can be forgiven through repentance because of the glorious and saving Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

One thing that stood out as I listened to President Oaks talk about what every single mother (and, actually, every single father, as well) can do was the thought that single parents don’t have to be powerless to their circumstances. They can control their perspective and what they are teaching.

I feel like as I’ve tried to navigate the single parent world, I’ve taken on kind of a sink or swim mentality. The situation is what it is. It’s obviously not what I would have preferred, but I can’t do anything about it. But I don’t want my children to suffer spiritually because I used my circumstances as an excuse.

What we can do to strengthen families

At the heart of President Oaks’ counsel for how to strengthen families was to emulate Jesus Christ.

“Following Christ and giving ourselves in service to one another is the best remedy for the selfishness and individualism that now seem to be so common,” he said.

President Oaks then gave a list of suggestions to help strengthen families, including parents teaching children “practical knowledge apart from gospel principles,” “meaningful” activities, family gardens, camping, sports, recreation in general and family reunions.

He also said parents should teach children “basic skills of living, including working in the yard and home,” and said language learning is “useful preparation for missionary service and modern life.” Any family member can be teachers on these subjects, President Oaks said.

“Families flourish when they learn as a group and counsel together on all matters of concern to the family and its members,” he said.

To those skeptical of whether or not they have time for these things, President Oaks had a helpful suggestion.

“To find time to do what is truly worthwhile, many parents will find that they can turn their family on if they all turn their technologies off,” he said. “And parents, remember, what those children really want for dinner is time with you.”

To strengthen spiritual bonds among families, President Oaks had more suggestions.

“Great blessings come to families if they pray together, kneeling night and morning to offer thanks for blessings and to pray over common concerns,” he said. “Families are also blessed as they worship together in Church services and in other devotional settings. Family bonds are also strengthened by family stories, creating family traditions, and sharing sacred experiences. President Spencer W. Kimball reminded us that ‘stories of inspiration from our own lives and those of our forebears … are powerful teaching tools.’ They are often the best sources of inspiration for us and our posterity.”

I definitely learned a lot from that part of President Oaks’ talk that I could do better. I think there is something, maybe multiple things, President Oaks discussed that everybody could hear and say, “Yeah, that’s something I can and should do better at.”

Closing his address, President Oaks said:

“I testify of the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the Only Begotten Son of God, our Eternal Father. He invites us to follow the covenant path that leads to a heavenly family reunion. The sealing powers of the priesthood, directed by the keys restored in the Kirtland Temple, bring families together for eternity (see Doctrine and Covenants 110:13-16). They are currently being exercised in a growing number of temples of the Lord throughout the world. This is real. Let us be part of it, I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

Contact Ryan Comer at rcomer@standard.net.