Though the first of a new year is traditionally all about “the new,” let’s begin this column with a discussion about “the end.” With a few things in mind, we may be able to do more with our collective resolve to make this year better than ever.

Around the turn of the 20th century, author William George Jordan complained about the eulogies commonly shared at funerals (the proverbial “end”). He asked, “Why is it that death makes us suddenly conscious of a hundred virtues in a man who seemed commonplace and faulty in life? Then we speak as though an angel had been living in our town for years and we had suddenly discovered him.” (The Power of Truth, p.65)

My area of research as an instructor at Weber State University has focused on what impacts individuals who have experienced the death of a loved one. In one recent study, young widows (ages 18-55) were asked what helped and what hurt most while they struggled with the burden of loss.

In this study, on a very short list of what ultimately mattered to the bereaved, these women highlighted the importance of close relationships. Because the study was not designed to specifically ask if participants were talking about their past marriage or current supportive friends and neighbors, it was unclear which person(s) “counted” most. However, and possibly most interesting, perhaps it doesn’t matter. Maybe what helps is simply what “feels” helpful, right when someone needs helping.

William George Jordan believed that help was mostly about timing, he continued, “If [the deceased] could only have heard [even 60 percent of the kind words from the eulogizing], they would have been an inspiration to him/her when weary, worn and worried by the problems of living … Those who are facing the battle of life, still seeking bravely to do and to be — they need our help, our companionship, our love, all that is best in us. Better is the smallest flower placed in our warm, loving hands than mountains of roses banked round our coffin.” (The Power of Truth, p.65)

This article is not especially meant to be about death or eulogies — and I hope that this new year is not full of loss or grief, for me or you. However, all around us are “facing the battle(s) of life,” and each of us represents a friend, loved one, or neighbor who can “help.” What difference would it make if each of us gave/received a few additional words of encouragement and support along the way this week, month and year?

As you begin this new year, make a list — not just of resolutions, but of resolve to be kind and supportive more often. On your list include the names of those individuals around you who are “weary, worn and worried by the problems of living” (whether they’ve lost loved ones or not). Make a resolution to look for ways to provide the type of inspiration and relationship that can bear up under almost any situation. And, who knows — when they get their feet back under them — maybe they’ll provide the inspiration you need, right when you need it. Happy New Year!

C. Ryan Dunn, Ph.D. is an instructor in Weber State University’s Department of Child and Family Studies in the Jerry & Vickie Moyes College of Education.