After presiding over thousands of custody cases, judges develop keen instincts for identifying genuine parental capacity versus performance. They know which behaviors predict successful co-parenting and which red flags suggest future problems. What happens in the courtroom matters, but what judges observe about your character, your priorities, and your ability to put children first matters more.

Utah judges consistently report that parents who lose custody often defeat themselves through predictable mistakes. Conversely, parents who succeed understand that custody decisions aren’t about winning against your ex — they’re about demonstrating your commitment to your children’s wellbeing, even when it requires personal sacrifice.

Understanding Judicial Decision-Making

Q: What’s the single most important factor judges consider in custody cases?

A: Which parent is more likely to foster the child’s relationship with the other parent. This “friendly parent” consideration often outweighs other factors. Judges know children need both parents and view attempts to alienate or exclude the other parent as harmful. Parents who encourage contact, speak respectfully about their ex, and demonstrate flexibility with scheduling typically receive favorable custody arrangements. Those who create obstacles lose credibility instantly.

Q: What behaviors immediately damage a parent’s custody case?

A: Coaching children to say negative things, violating temporary orders, making false allegations, recording conversations without consent, discussing the case with children, posting about the case on social media, or refusing to communicate about children’s needs. Judges also note parents who are consistently late for exchanges, “forget” to inform about medical appointments, or make unilateral decisions. These behaviors suggest inability to co-parent effectively.

Q: How can judges tell when a parent is lying?

A: Inconsistencies between testimony and documented evidence, overly rehearsed responses, inability to acknowledge any personal faults, extreme villainization of the other parent, and claims unsupported by neutral third parties. Judges note body language, emotional responses that don’t match content, and whether parents answer directly or evade questions. Utah judges report that parents who lie about small things invariably lie about big things.

Q: What do judges think when parents claim abuse without evidence?

A: Judges take all abuse allegations seriously but have seen false allegations used as custody tactics. They look for corroborating evidence: police reports, medical records, witness testimony, or behavioral patterns in children. Unsubstantiated allegations, especially those arising only during custody disputes, damage credibility severely. However, judges also recognize that absence of documentation doesn’t mean abuse didn’t occur, which is why psychological evaluations become crucial.

Q: How much do judges rely on custody evaluators’ recommendations?

A: Heavily. Judges typically follow evaluator recommendations 70-80% of the time because evaluators spend months assessing what judges must decide in hours. However, judges may deviate if evaluators exceeded their scope, showed clear bias, or if new evidence emerges. Parents who attack evaluators personally rather than addressing substantive concerns lose credibility. Utah judges particularly value evaluators who provide detailed, evidence-based recommendations.

Q: What impresses judges in custody hearings?

A: Parents who acknowledge the other parent’s strengths, propose detailed parenting plans addressing children’s specific needs, show willingness to compromise, maintain composure under cross-examination, and focus on future co-parenting rather than past grievances. Judges appreciate parents who bring organized documentation, speak respectfully about everyone involved, and demonstrate knowledge of their children’s teachers, doctors, and daily routines.

Q: How do judges view parents with mental health issues?

A: Mental health conditions don’t automatically disqualify parents from custody. Judges care more about treatment compliance and stability than diagnosis. Parents actively managing their mental health through therapy and medication often receive standard custody. However, untreated mental illness, treatment non-compliance, or denial of obvious problems raises serious concerns. Voluntary psychological evaluation demonstrating stability can counter opposing party’s allegations.

Q: What mistakes do “good” parents make that hurt their case?

A: Over-documenting minor issues (creating appearance of conflict-seeking), being inflexible about schedule changes, involving children in adult matters, refusing reasonable requests out of spite, and believing moral superiority guarantees custody. Good parents sometimes hurt themselves by demanding “justice” for past wrongs rather than focusing on children’s future needs. Judges see parents who can’t move past anger as potential long-term problems.

Q: How do judges handle “he said, she said” situations?

A: Judges look for objective evidence: text messages, emails, photos, third-party witnesses, and professional observations. They assess credibility through consistency, reasonableness of claims, and whether actions match words. Parents who document calmly and factually gain credibility. Those who present dramatic narratives without support lose it. Judges often order evaluations specifically to break through conflicting accounts.

Q: What role does wealth play in custody decisions?

A: Less than people think. Judges care about stable, appropriate housing and meeting children’s needs, not luxury. Wealthy parents who use money to control or limit other parent’s access often backfire. Conversely, lower-income parents who maximize their resources and time with children impress judges. However, ability to provide health insurance, educational opportunities, and extracurriculars does factor into decisions.

Q: How do judges view parents who represent themselves?

A: Self-representation isn’t held against parents, but procedural mistakes can hurt cases. Judges appreciate self-represented parents who are prepared, respectful, and focused on relevant issues. However, emotional parents who turn hearings into grievance sessions frustrate judges. If you self-represent, learn court procedures, organize evidence properly, and maintain professional demeanor. Complex cases involving abuse allegations or psychological issues typically require attorneys.

Q: What’s the impact of a parent’s new relationship on custody?

A: Judges assess whether new partners enhance or destabilize children’s lives. Quick introductions, multiple partners, or partners with criminal records/substance issues hurt cases. Stable, supportive partners who respect boundaries help. Judges particularly note whether parents prioritize new relationships over children’s adjustment to divorce. Moving in with partners immediately post-separation often backfires in court.

Q: How do judges decide between two good parents?

A: When both parents are capable, judges consider: who’s been primary caregiver historically, work schedule flexibility, geographic stability, extended family support, and children’s existing routines. They assess which parent better supports children’s activities, education, and friendships. Often, maintaining status quo wins if children are thriving. Psychological evaluations help identify subtle differences in parenting capacity and parent-child bonds.

Q: What happens when teenagers refuse visitation?

A: Judges distinguish between legitimate preferences and alienation. They consider teenagers’ reasoning, whether refusal is absolute or conditional, and if preferences align with developmental needs. Courts may order therapy before modifying arrangements. Parents who respect teenagers’ autonomy while maintaining availability typically fare better than those demanding compliance. Utah judges increasingly order reunification therapy rather than eliminating contact.

Q: When do judges change their minds after initial rulings?

A: Judges modify orders when presented with significant new evidence, demonstrated behavior changes, or children’s evolving needs. Parents who follow orders meticulously, document improvement, and show sustained stability can successfully request modifications. However, repeated modification attempts without substantial changes annoy judges and suggest instability. Focus on long-term consistency rather than quick wins.

Closing

Judges aren’t looking for perfect parents — they’re looking for parents who can put aside personal hurt to prioritize children’s needs. They’ve seen how parental conflict damages children and know that custody arrangements succeed or fail based on parents’ ability to cooperate, not legal percentages or schedules.

Understanding judicial perspective means recognizing that your behavior in court and during proceedings reveals your true character. Every email, text message, and interaction becomes evidence of your parenting capacity. Judges remember parents who lie, manipulate, or prioritize winning over children’s wellbeing. They also remember parents who demonstrate grace under pressure, acknowledge mistakes, and genuinely commit to co-parenting.

The parents who succeed in custody cases aren’t necessarily those with the best lawyers or most money — they’re those who convince judges they’ll honor both the letter and spirit of custody orders. They show they can manage their own emotions, support their children’s relationships, and navigate co-parenting challenges without court intervention.

Your custody case isn’t just about legal strategy — it’s about demonstrating the parent you’ll be after the judge’s decision. Every choice you make, from how you speak about your ex to how you handle disagreements, builds the case for or against your custody request. Make choices that you’d be proud to explain to your children when they’re adults.

For parents preparing for custody proceedings, comprehensive psychological evaluation can identify strengths, address concerns, and provide evidence supporting parenting capacity. This article was written by Dr. Steve Szykula and Jason Sadora at Comprehensive Psychological Services (WeCanHelpOut.com) which offers court-recognized evaluations that help judges understand your family’s unique dynamics and needs, providing objective assessment for complex custody decisions.