It’s a complex time to have a teen daughter. (Understatement of the year, right?) Gone are the days of a dolly tucked tightly under the sheets or having her arms slung around the pink stuffed tiger Grandma gifted to her as a toddler. Now it’s her cellphone peeking over the edge of her blue sheet, a cold screen where the face of her American Girl doll once slept. She can’t remember to unload the dishwasher, but she never forgets to charge that phone. Like the boots she chooses to wear, a T-shirt emblazoned with a pithy saying, the pins dotting her backpack or a water bottle slathered with stickers — the cellphone is another way for kids to express themselves.

Debates were waged as we discussed whether to give Scarlett a phone. In the end, positives outweighed the negatives. I can see where she’s at in real time, she can call me for whatever reason and it’s how she contacts her friends. Essentially, I have the receipts of what my kid is thinking, feeling and where she is throughout the day. This device, which comes with so many possible negatives, is a walking journal she updates constantly. I think of a Ken Burns documentary with a deep voice narrating the hundreds of text messages describing my child’s day-to-day. How would he narrate an emoji?

“Freaky Friday” with Jodi Foster was one of my favorite movies growing up, the entire premise being both mother and daughter learning what the other is thinking of experiencing. The flick came out in 1972, 2003 and then again in 2018. This idea is as old as time, with a mother pining to know what is going on in the teenage head. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just gave us a glimpse — and it ain’t good.

Each kid enrolled in public school can voluntarily take the Youth Risk Behavior Survey. Its opening paragraph reads, “This survey is about healthy behavior. It has been developed so you can tell us what you do that may affect your health.” It goes on to ask kids how they commute, if they physically fight, experience bullying, use illicit substances or social media. It wants to know if teens eat breakfast, are overweight, have sex and what kind of grades they pull. From there, we get a window into the mind of the kids living in our homes.

“American teen girls are engulfed in a growing wave of sadness, violence and trauma” is the conclusion drawn by the CDC.

Statistically, the girls we know are dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts and sexual trauma. No, your kid isn’t immune; that’s not how stats work. This survey was taken back in 2021 with 17,000 students, just as the pandemic was picking up when kids were staying home, disconnected and surrounded by daily harrowing news.

These circumstances certainly can change the climate of results, but it can’t distort that 18% of teenage girls experienced sexual violence or that 14% were raped. Kathleen Ethier, director of CDC’s Division of Adolescent and School Health, said, “Of every 10 teen girls that you know, at least one of them, possibly more, have been raped.” These numbers are shocking as they are but add in whether or not these teens are LGBTQ+ and the numbers go even higher.

It’s certainly easy for some to dismiss these statistics, believing the current generation is “soft” or “out of touch.” Now more than ever, it would seem our girls are empowered, the possibilities endless and that equality is at an all-time high. Food insecurity is also at an all-time high. The housing crisis, talk of recessions, inflation and college costs all weigh heavily on the minds of today’s youth. Social media is often at the center of these mental health talks, with findings supporting the theory that these platforms isolate more than socialize. I imagine these apps should also be at the center of any talk pertaining to sexual violence. The survey found 1 in 3 girls have seriously contemplated dying by suicide, and the CDC says a major reason for this is the sexual trauma these girls survived.

Schools and communities recognize there’s an issue. Our Legislature is only compounding the trauma to our LGBTQ+ population, but that’s a different conversation for a day when I want to feel angry for hours on end. Those looking to bring these tragic statists down see that building social connections with both peers and healthy adults plays a pivotal role in keeping kids alive. Hope Squads are found throughout our schools to bolster our children. More schools are employing on-site mental health counselors to help kids cope with change or trauma. Numerous schools in Weber School District have designed “zen dens” where kids can go to cool off and refocus. Educators are yet again on the front lines, but parents need to lead the charge by advocating, watching, even snooping if needs be.

A major way to protect our teen girls against sexual trauma is to warn them of its existence. Predators are real and they are everywhere. As a teen, readying for college, my mother gave me the book “The Gift of Fear.” I have since given the exact copy to Scarlett. This book preaches the idea that humans were gifted with gut instinct. We often ignore this instinct whether it be because we don’t want to appear impolite or paranoid, but it’s those instincts that can keep us safe. “The Gift of Fear” taught me how to avoid situations that could leave me vulnerable. When my sons are old enough, I will give them their own copy.

Reading the findings of the Youth Risk Behavior Survey, I clearly understood how hard it must be to grow up in 2023. Things are never simple, but with each passing year, they definitely become more complex. While I often wish to go back to the days of stuffed “Tigey” tucked in next to Scarlett, I embrace the fantastic conversations we can have with her maturing brain. Discussion, questions and understanding will keep our teens alive, healthy and loved.

Meg Sanders worked in broadcast journalism for over a decade but has since turned her life around to stay closer to home in Ogden. Her three children keep her indentured as a taxi driver, stylist and sanitation worker. In her free time, she likes to read, write, lift weights and go to concerts with her husband of 17 years.