There comes a time, in every relationship, regardless of how much you adore your significant other, when you would appreciate just a few sacred minutes without any other human breathing the same air as you in the room. This is certainly not a cry for emotional distance or a need for relationship intervention. This is simply a reasonable, human desire to exist, even for a brief moment, in a space that does not involve someone else’s stuff.

This is not something that most people say out loud, but it does come up on a consistent basis in real estate. It is manifest as a casual statement about needing just a little bit of extra room but translates to a need for a little separate, but temporary, breathing space. I have never heard out loud the comment, “I love my partner. But if I cannot get a space to be alone with my thoughts occasionally, one of us is going to end up in the shed.” It’s not personal. It is just a basic human need. While research has proven that social connections are vital for emotional and physical health, having some alone, solitary time can be just as important. Spending a few minutes with just yourself has been shown to foster personal growth, creativity, self-reflection and more social energy when it comes time to reunite with people. When the need goes unmet for too long, it can turn stressful. This in turn is unpleasant for all.

More often, though, it’s not about a relationship unraveling. It’s about the realization that two people can be significantly happier under the same roof when they each have some personal space once in a while. Shocking, I know. In fact, one survey found that nearly 90% of respondents agreed that personal space is important to the relationship. There is nothing nefarious about needing some space. Couples who admit to needing space are not hiding things or avoiding quality time. These are couples who report stronger relationships and better overall household harmony if they have had a few minutes to decompress, and recharge before launching into the logistics of the household or work.

Herein lies the problem. Not everyone has the bonus square footage available to provide a dedicated room for “me” time. Few homes come with two separate spare rooms to use as a personal sanctuary for each individual who needs a few minutes to themselves occasionally. This doesn’t mean that personal space is off the table. It just means that finding and assigning space will need to be intentional and claimed specifically for that purpose. For some people, it is as simple as a corner, a closet or a nook that no one else shares. For others, it’s reclaiming a portion of a basement, garage or finished attic.

While realizing this is certainly a first-world problem, we live in a first-world country; thus, we have become accustomed to things that perhaps a simpler life would have precluded us from becoming accustomed to. However, even as a child, I remember needing a small square of personal space to call my own. Of course, some people could argue that I wasn’t exactly living in first-world circumstances back then either, with 11 people sharing a home with one bathroom. I solved this problem by setting up a large, yellow, fabric-supported plastic bean bag chair filled with polystyrene beads (which would consistently leak out making the chair smaller and smaller as time went on), behind an old hope chest in my room. The room was shared with a few of us girls, but everyone knew that small space was just mine. I would sink down into the deflated bean bag chair as low as I could go so no one could spot me and get lost in one of my beloved library books.

I tell this story to illustrate that when a space has a clear purpose, it becomes easier for everyone else in the household to respect it as such. This, in turn, cuts down significantly on passive-aggressive comments, friction and nasty commentary (all of which did happen when one of us claimed a space in the bathroom).

Other realistic options could include repurposing, lofts, wide hallways or bedrooms, using furniture of shelving to create visual separation or improving sound with acoustic panels.

If figuring all this out feels too overwhelming, there is a useful resource that may have been overlooked: a local Realtor. We spend our days walking homes of all shapes, sizes, layouts, etc. We see clever ways homeowners have carved out functional space. A seasoned Realtor could spot opportunities you may have walked past for five years without noticing. The other option is a little less subtle; just move. We can also help you with that.

Jen Fischer is an associate broker and Realtor. She can be reached at 801-645-2134 or jen@jen-fischer.com.