In one of my training sessions recently, I asked for the definition of the Golden Rule, and someone blurted out, “He who has the gold, rules!” Not quite the definition that most of us are familiar with.

We have all heard of the Golden Rule and many of us aspire to live by it. Is living by the Golden Rule enough? In our global village, do we need to specifically consider the differences and the desires of others?

The Golden Rule may not be a panacea. Think about it: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto YOU.” The Golden Rule implies the basic assumption that other people would like to be treated the way that YOU would like to be treated.

For general life skills, the Golden Rule works very well. However, when leading others, dealing with customers or trying to build a deeper relationship in any endeavor; there is a higher level of interaction that many call the “Platinum Rule.”

The “Platinum Rule” states “Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.” Ah hah! What a difference. The Platinum Rule accommodates the feelings of others. The focus of relationships shifts from “this is what I want, so I’ll give everyone the same thing” to “let me first understand what they want and then I’ll give it to them.”

For example, when leaders know the people they lead well enough to know what is most important to them, and how they like to be led, leaders can adapt their style to get the most out of their team leaders.

There is also a third rule that I call the “Diamond Rule” that I describe below. These three rules are designed to get your thinking and behavior to a place that you might not naturally go on your own.

Read further to better understand these three rules and how they can help you find greater success.

1. The Golden Rule — The Golden rule is an introduction to a lesson on responsibility, awareness, ethics and concern for others. The principle the rule is trying to get at is one of selfless service to others.

While the Golden Rule is a good baseline to have when developing the empathy muscle, treating people the way you want to be treated only works when other people want to be treated that way.

This can be a difficult pill to swallow for those who pride themselves on knowing exactly what others want … even without asking them. Why wouldn’t all guests want to have a personal escort and tour to their room? Why wouldn’t everyone want to hear the evening news in a taxicab? Why wouldn’t every employee want to be told “good morning” and engage in conversation?

The point here is that if you are committed to creating an exceptional experience for each employee and customer, then their wants, needs, and desires have to be known, acknowledged, celebrated, and acted upon. This brings us to the next rule.

2. The Platinum Rule — The Platinum Rule builds on the Golden Rule by recognizing that we have very different preferences than those around us. It is about treating others the way they personally want to be treated. Although it sounds like common sense, it’s not as common as you might think. Remember the old story of the Boy Scout who assisted the elderly lady across the street, only to discover that she didn’t want to cross the street.

The goal of the Platinum Rule is personal chemistry and productive relationships. You do not have to change your personality. You do not have to roll over and submit to others. You simply have to understand what drives people and recognize your options for dealing with and serving them. There must be a deliberate effort to get to know your employees and customers in order to take the guesswork out of the equation.

Of course, I thought the “Platinum Rule” ruled all rules. After all, what else can be more important than giving people what they want? Well, let’s take it to even a higher level. This is where the “Diamond Rule” comes into play.

3. The Diamond Rule — The Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule may not be sufficient in all situations. So, the Diamond Rule is, “treat others the way they don’t even know they want to be treated.” To boil it down … anticipate, anticipate, anticipate. Don’t just meet expectations, EXCEED them.

The first thing to understand about exceeding expectations is this: The expectations you exceed today become the seed for new opportunities in the future. This may seem to be an obvious fact, but many people fail to connect today’s actions with future opportunities. Exceeding expectations is a foundational attitude and something that you have to pursue daily.

Grounding your leadership and service strategy in these three “Rules” works well, because it heightens your empathy (Golden Rule), encourages a keen focus on your people’s expectations (Platinum Rule) and challenges you to consistently think of ways to exceed those expectations (Diamond Rule).

Brad Larsen is a life coach and corporate consultant from Northern Utah. He can be reached at bradlarsen@dailymasterpieces.com.