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Behind Bars: Picturing life after prison an ‘extremely difficult’ task

By Brian Wood, Behind Bars Columnist - | Aug 28, 2017

A friend of mine suggested I start picturing what I’d like my life to be like in the outside world as part of a belief in the law of attraction. She told me to try to be as specific and detailed in my imagination as possible. For whatever reason, even with some sincere effort, I find the task to be extremely difficult.

I don’t have any idea where life is going to take me when I get out of here. There’s no one really depending on me out there. I think for this reason I don’t feel exceedingly compelled to return to society. I hadn’t given that fact much thought until I read letter that was sent to the Board of Pardons and Parole on my behalf.

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The letter consisted of observations made by someone who has visited me consistently over the entire span of my incarceration. The letter was intended to show how much change I have made and that I am ready to re-enter society. In a way though, it made a good argument to keep me here, given that it highlighted the positive changes, accomplishments, and progress I’ve made. In essence, prison has been good for me personally, plus I’ve been able to do a little good by sharing my experiences.

I have an old friend from Ohio who has stayed in touch with me through letters during my incarceration. The other day he dropped by for a visit. That sounds simple. It actually was quite a chore for him to get on my visiting list. Even after following all directions exactly as the prison website listed, nothing happened. It was not until he called and spoke to someone, that he was approved a couple weeks later. I would recommend if anyone wants to visit or even write an inmate they should call the prison or jail and find out what the proper protocol is because every institution is different. During my visit, I think my sunny disposition and gratitude for my situation may have caught my old friend off guard. He asked me if I think I’m institutionalized; I don’t think so.

At one point early in my incarceration this friend gave me some solid advice about forgiveness and overcoming loss. You could say he had some experience in this department, thought his situation was slightly different than mine. I did razz him a little bit for comparing the betrayal he felt and the forgiveness process he went through when Lebron James left Cleveland to my wife leaving me, but good advice is good advice. The point is people adapt to their unique circumstances.

The letter to the Board may or may not help reduce my remaining time. I feel less motivated than people would imagine, but I do see a quicker return to society as a good thing. Some commonplace aspects of prison life are unequivocally negative and shouldn’t be accepted or adapted to. Violence is probably the biggest one of those things and should be a good enough reason to want to leave. Just last week a friend of mine was jumped and I learned another had been stabbed in Draper. They are both OK but I’m still waiting to hear what has become of a prisoner in my last section who had boiling coffee thrown in his face the same week.

While it can be reported that I’ve been successful in this environment, I think the same principles that brought about that success will apply outside of here, and really that’s the mission of the Department of Corrections. I imagine as I get “closer to the gate,” plans will take shape. I think my inability to picture the details is partly a coping mechanism. Whatever happens, I’m confident I’ll be looking on the bright side.

Brian Wood, formerly of Layton, is an inmate at the Utah Correctional Facility in Gunnison. He pleaded guilty to nine felony charges for offenses from 2011 to 2014, including counts of burglary, drug possession and prescription fraud. He could spend up to 25 years in prison, depending on parole hearings.

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