Guest op-ed: Mind over matter
Usually, when it comes to the battle between mind and body, my mind doesn’t put up much of a fight. I think my brain reasons that since it only takes up about 2% of my total body mass, that it should only get about 2% of the say in any decision. Most of what’s happening goes on at a subconscious level, but I think most of the conversations go like this:
Mind: “Yum! Here’s some whole grain toast and a banana for breakfast.”
Body: “Sounds great, but you forgot the Nutella.”
Mind: “Whoops! Sorry!”
Body: “Spread it on thick.”
But when it comes to going on vacation, especially if that vacation is to a Disney theme park, my mind takes over completely and it admits no weakness. This comes as a severe shock to the body, but at the beginning, both are happily united.
Pre-vacation
Mind: “Let’s sit on the couch and binge watch Disney Park YouTube channels!”
Body: “Yay!!”
At the airport
Mind: “I need your help, Body. I’m thinking of how I’d get around security if I were a terrorist, and I want to blurt out my ideas. I also have a very funny joke about bombs that I think the guard over there would enjoy.”
Body: “Gotcha. Mouth going on lockdown.”
Mind: “Phew, thanks!”
This happy state of oneness with myself doesn’t last long.
Day one
Mind: “Wheeee! I’m going to see and do and eat it all!”
Body: “Wheeee! I’m going to eat it all!”
Happy Unison: “Let’s go!”
A little later in the day …
Body: “Let’s take a rest.”
Mind: “Rest is a four-letter word. We’re going to ride this thing located on the farthest possible point away from us!”
Body as it’s being forcibly marched away from the bench: “Whaaaat? CHURRO! RED ALERT! CHURRO!”
Mind: “Oh sure. Here you go.”
Body: Grumble, grumble. “I need a Dole Whip too.”
End of the day
Mind: “That was so great.”
Body: “Thank goodness that ordeal is over.”
Day two
Mind: “It’s 6 a.m.! Time to joyfully leap out of bed!”
Body: Zzzzzzz
Mind: “You’re coming with me!”
Body: Mmpfh, snort. “Whaaaa? What’s happening?”
Mind: “Here, have a synthetic hotel muffin. That’s plenty to walk miles on!”
Body still bleary: “Huh? Wha? GAACK! Phfttoey! That’s not food!”
Mind: “I never said it was. Shut up. I’ll feed you a pretzel later.”
Body: “Who are you? What’s happening?”
Day three
Body: “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.”
Later in the day …
Mind to daughter: “Can I try one of those vitamin packets of yours?”
Body: Gasp. “Yes, please, anything … help!”
Daughter: “Sure, just mix it up in the water.”
Me opening the spout on the water bottle and spraying vitamin water, narrowly missing the other people in line. “Hey!”
Daughter: “You shook it? It’s carbonated!”
Me: “Oh well. There’s still plenty left.” And I gulp it all down quickly just before riding the Incredicoaster.
Mind and Body after the ride: “I think we may have made a mistake.”
Day four
Body: “I never thought I’d say this, but can we have something not sugar?”
Mind: “Sure. Have a salad.”
Body: “Thank goodness.”
Mind: “And a Jack Jack cookie Num Num for dessert!”
Body: “You’ve already eaten …”
Mind: “And we need another one of those stuffed pretzels and we still haven’t had a Mickey bar! Ooooo! Look! There’s those macaroons YouTube was telling us about! Let’s go!”
Body: “Please tell me we’re not going clear to the other side of the park.”
Mind: “Nope! We’re going to the far side of the other park!”
Body: “You go ahead. I’m staying right here.”
Mind: “Ha Ha! You’re such a kidder!”
Day five
Halfway through the day …
Mind: “This is so weird. I’m having so much fun, but I feel like bursting into tears. Oh well, I’ll swallow that feeling with another cookie.”
A little later …
Mind: “Hey, Body. Did you know the line for Indiana Jones is literally a quarter of a mile long? It’s the longest line in the park! I love it! Let’s go!”
Body: “I am in hell and strangely unable to die.”
After the Indy ride …
Mind: “Oh my gosh! Is that the time! This is our last day! We’ve got to move a whole lot faster!”
Home at last
Mind: “Whoa! That blister is huge! I wonder when I got that?”
Body: “The first day, I tried to tell you.”
Mind: “And I think I’m sunburned! Body, why didn’t you let me know?”
Body: “I want a divorce.”
Mind: “I can’t wait to go back. What If I actually threw caution to the wind and went back tomorrow?”
Chase Bank: “NO!”
That was a few days ago. I’m still not quite on speaking terms with myself. But that’s OK. By the time I have enough money saved up to go anywhere, I’ll be ready for an even bigger, grander adventure. I’ve always wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail; it’s 2,190 miles of fun.
Anneli Byrd is an academic adviser in Weber State University’s Student Success Center.