The years after Jason were filled with an extraordinarily random collection of others like him: a college student from Croatia on the verge of homelessness, two Native American high school students at two different times, an exchange student from Japan, another one from Spain, two college-bound nephews at two different times, a daughter’s best friend, a son’s best friend. Each brought a unique story, each needed a place to stay. We gave them their own space — a spare 10 x 12 bedroom. We also gave them space to rebuild themselves, space to pause, space to rest and reset.

In time we came to realize these strangers-turned-family also came with varying degrees of the need for grace. More than advice, instructions, or opinion, they needed human ears and hearts. They needed our patience, understanding, and tolerance. They needed us to accept them as they were and champion them as they progressed. They taught us to be compassionate people as we learned how to give them grace. In turn we learned the mysterious truth that grace given comes back to you. You can’t give grace without receiving it.

It’s likely that giving space and grace would work in larger circles beyond families. I watch news stories unfold and think, “Some space and grace would definitely improve this situation.” Starting in war councils, spreading through political battles, myriad national and international troubles, even differing religions’ clashes, wherever humans exist, so does conflict. And wherever conflict exists, so does the need for space and grace.

We generally can’t do anything except pray for war councils, politics, and other distant settings where space and grace are needed. But with eyes that actively search we can see people all around us who need space and grace: the mom struggling with four boisterous kids, the elderly man slowly counting out coins to pay a grocery tab, the school teacher overwhelmed with too many students, the rowdy neighbor kid from an empty house, the work colleague who struggles to handle his workload, the awkward special needs youngster participating in a school performance, the sibling with a decades-old grudge, the elderly relative whose loneliness compels her to talk too much, the fellow church parishioner whose views disagree with ours.

We have endless chances to give space and grace, endless opportunities to humanely uplift, gently support, and love unconditionally. Basically, to become better people than we are.

Spouses need to give — and receive — lots of space and grace. An entire house sometimes doesn’t feel like enough space. Knowing each other more than anyone else requires more space and grace than anyone else. Who deserves it more? Except maybe you. Don’t overlook your own desire for space and grace. Give yourself as much space and grace as you need. Always.

Finally, don’t underestimate the influence our example has on our youth, who watch us to learn how to respond to those in need of space and grace. They’ll harshly judge people in need like we do — or they’ll love them unconditionally like we do. It’s the scariest weight and greatest blessing of being the adult in a young person’s life. They begin to understand their own space and grace needs as they learn from us how to respond to others’.

I sometimes find myself whispering, “Space and Grace, Louise” when the occasion requires either a curt comeback or a compelling calm. It’s not a bad mantra to adopt. And it leaves me dreaming of what would happen if the entire human population learned how to give Space and Grace.

We sure could use it.