I can’t believe that I — of all people — am about to say this: Grow up, America.

It is a sad day indeed when the most immature columnist this side of a high school newspaper has to be the lone adult in the room. Listen, I’m supposed to be the guy who tells the booger jokes, who makes the armpit fart noises, who still giggles when somebody uses the so-last-decade “that’s what she said” double entendre. And yet, how did I end up becoming the voice of reason?

When Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced Indiana Gov. Mike Pence as his running mate for the November election, it came with a fancy-schmancy campaign logo. And part of that new logo featured an interlocking “T” (for Trump) and “P” (for Pence).

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But what happened next came completely out of left field. People I always assumed could be taken seriously began attacking the logo as sexually suggestive. Why? Because they made the ridiculously Rorschachian stretch that it looked like the T was sexually penetrating the P.

I only wish I were making this stuff up.

The Democrats quickly jumped on the new logo with both feet. On Twitter, former Michigan Rep. John Dingell slyly asked, “What is the T doing to that P?” Florida congressman and Senate candidate Alan Grayson was a bit more direct, tweeting, “This logo accurately represents what Trump Pence will do to America.” And liberals everywhere were positively gleeful over comedian Samantha Bee’s PG-13 animated graphic meme titled, “Breaking the Mattress of America.”

What are we, in junior high here?

And the double standard in operation is glaringly obvious. I guarantee if the Democrats utilized a logo of interlocking initials in their campaign and a Republican congressman dared imply that Hillary Clinton’s “C” was doing something untoward to Tim Kaine’s “K” — or Cory Booker’s “B” or Elizabeth Warren’s “W” — the left would be screeching to high heaven.

Of course, if this T-P image had been a logo on the uniform of a Major League Baseball team, no one would have batted an eye. Because that alphabet has been having casual sex all over the place for as long as anyone can remember.

Take, for example, what is arguably the most famous sports logo of all time — the interlocking “N” and “Y” of the venerated New York Yankees. If that Y isn’t doing something dirty to that N, I’ll eat my Cleveland Indians cap.

And the Yankees aren’t alone. Other teams featuring intertwined letters engaged in the horizontal mambo are the Los Angeles Dodgers, Colorado Rockies, San Diego Padres (at least it’s missionary style), San Francisco Giants, Minnesota Twins, Kansas City Royals (definitely NOT missionary style) and New York Mets.

Really, about the only MLB initials that aren’t having sex are the “T” and “B” of the Tampa Bay Rays — which appear only to be cuddling. And don’t even get me started on what the “A” in the Los Angeles Angels logo is doing to that round halo.

Ah, but the worst offender is the St. Louis Cardinals logo. With the intertwined “S” and “L” — along with the inclusion of a much smaller “T” — one could argue it actually depicts a threesome.

A few years ago, the city of North Ogden updated its Cherry Days logo. At that time, several readers insisted the new logo — a pair of stylized cherries complete with stems and leaves — was sexually suggestive, and they encouraged me to write a column about it. But after staring long and hard at the logo, I confess that it didn’t look any more like male genitalia than an uppercase “B” looks like a pair of breasts. Anyone who sees sex in the current Cherry Days logo wants to see it.

The same goes for the T and P of Trump-Pence.

Don’t get me wrong: I believe Donald Trump is a buffoon, and someone not to be taken seriously as presidential material. But when those on the left stoop to implying these interlocking letters are sexually suggestive, it’s hard to picture them running our country either. For all the hand-wringing over the right’s coarsening of the public discourse in America, on this issue the left doesn’t seem to be helping matters any.

At best, such silly leaps of logic are simply descending to Trump’s level, and I guess I just expected more from my liberal friends. Because frankly, the mere suggestion that the Trump and Pence initials are getting it on is about as presidential as comparing penis sizes at a nationally televised debate.

It’s bush league, people. And trust me, this is coming from a goofball columnist who is intimately acquainted with the bush leagues.

And now, cue the sophomoric tittering at my repeated use of the word “bush.”

Contact Mark Saal at 801-625-4272 or msaal@standard.net. Follow him on Twitter at @Saalman. Like him on Facebook at facebook.com/SEMarkSaal.