Utah: Faking one’s own death not for the faint of heart
It’s a miracle.
Just in time for Easter, Ted Whitehead walked into the Wasatch County Sheriff’s Office on Saturday — April Fool’s Day, no less — and basically declared: “I am risen.”
He was promptly arrested.
Last April, the 37-year-old man from the small Eastern Utah town of Ballard was booked into the Duchesne County Jail on charges of rape and child rape. After posting bail, Whitehead disappeared — apparently in an attempt to fake his own death.
• RELATED: Police say Utah man fakes death after rape charge then turns himself in
News reports say Whitehead left a suicide note, telling family members he was going to kill himself by jumping off a bridge into the Green River near the Utah community of Ouray. An extensive two-week search of the area never turned up a body, although investigators did find Whitehead’s car, some of his clothing, and an empty whiskey bottle.
The plot thickened in recent months, with the Duchesne County Sheriff’s Office receiving a laptop in the mail that led them to believe Whitehead may have been — in the words of Billy Crystal’s Miracle Max character — “only mostly dead.” Indeed, a sheriff’s office spokesman believes Whitehead caught wind of media reports of his impending resurrection and chose to turn himself in.
It’s probably a really bad sign that the story of a man faking his own death holds such a riveting fascination for me. But there’s just something terribly intriguing about these cheeky folks who pretend to die, only to come back from the dead at some point. Inquiring minds want to know: Where have they been? What have they been doing? Why did they come back?
The idea of faking one’s own death is cleverly called “pseudocide,” and it’s certainly not new. Plenty of folks have tried it, although no one knows just how many — because someone who successfully fakes his or her death is simply forever counted among the dearly departed. The only ones we ever hear about are the unsuccessful attempts.
Like Patrick McDermott, a former lover of pop singer Olivia Newton-John, who was reportedly lost at sea but then just-as-reportedly living in Mexico in recent years. Private investigators say they tracked down McDermott after finding a collection of centralized IP addresses in Mexico logging onto a website dedicated to the missing man. Even in faux death, it must be incredibly difficult not to Google oneself.
Or Arthur Bennett, the Marine accused of faking his own death in a trailer fire, complete with charred body, back in 1994 to escape a court-martial on charges of sexually assaulting his daughters and other teens. He was discovered living in Hurricane, Utah, in 1997, and two years later committed suicide — this time for real — in his jail cell while awaiting a court-martial.
And now we have Whitehead. So far, he isn’t talking. But I can hardly wait to hear his fascinating tale.
Just in case you’re tempted to fake your own demise — you know, to avoid dinner with the in-laws, or perhaps get out of a church calling — you should know that the experts say it’s much easier said than done. This despite the fact a webpage on WikiHow.com titled “How to Fake Your Own Death” doesn’t make it look all that difficult. The process is broken down into two parts, “Disappearing Completely” and “Starting Your New Life,” with suggested tips like “Decide whether or not you really want to do this.”
But my favorite part of the WikiHow webpage? The Community Q&A feature, wherein someone asks “How can I make myself look dead in a casket?” The response: “Lay still, breathing less but still breathing. Make sure you don’t twitch or take deep breaths. Be as still as possible, and try not to laugh.”
Several how-to books have been written on the subject, including Doug Richmond’s “How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found.” And writer Elizabeth Greenwood authored the book ”Playing Dead: A Journey Through the World of Death Fraud,” in which she briefly toyed with the idea during her research. On her book’s LinkedIn page is a very cool flow chart called “Should You Fake Your Own Death and Collect Life Insurance Money?” One of the flow-chart questions asks: “Have you tried to resolve the problem in every other way? Have you considered murder?”
Murder? For that, you’ll either want ”How to Commit the Perfect Murder: Forensic Science Analyzed,” or ”Hit Man: A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors.”
Contact Mark Saal at 801-625-4272, or msaal@standard.net. Follow him on Twitter at @Saalman. Friend him on Facebook at facebook.com/MarkSaal.

