When a convicted criminal is executed by lethal injection, do you suppose they bother with sterilizing the skin around the needle? I mean, you could develop a pretty nasty infection.

For that matter, do prison cafeteria workers worry whether the meat in the inmate’s last meal has been cooked to the proper internal temperature? After all, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s warning clearly states: “Consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness.”

• RELATED: Accelerated executions: Arkansas plans 8 over 10-day period

These are the sorts of questions that have been running through my mind ever since Arkansas announced its plans for an April Execution Marathon. If state officials have their way, they’ll set a modern-day record for dispatching death-row inmates this month — eight men in just 11 days.

What’s the hurry? The same reason Mormon families sometimes find themselves eating eight cases of macaroni and cheese in just 11 days — the expiration date on the food storage items is rapidly approaching.

Turns out, the state’s supply of midazolam, one of the three drugs used in combination for Arkansas’ lethal injections, hits its expiration date at the end of April. As such, Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson has scheduled the flurry of executions before the already-controversial anesthetic’s best-when-used-by date.

Because, you know, expired meds can be, well, harmful to a person’s health. Besides, who among us hasn’t seen that soon-to-expire cough syrup in the medicine cabinet and thought, “Well, I don’t really have a cold, but this stuff is about to expire, and it sure seems like a waste of a perfectly good opioid…”

I oppose the death penalty. More or less. On the one hand, I would rather my government doesn’t put people to death — preferring incarceration to execution. But at the same time, with so many other injustices that need addressing in society, it’s hard to get too worked up over a convicted murderer’s execution. Hearing the tales of the crimes committed, the depravities and disregard for human life that the convicted showed their victims, it’s difficult to muster up much sympathy.

Still, I’ve got to believe that even those who are staunch eye-for-an-eye folks flinch at the magnitude of this latest state-sponsored killing spree.

Arkansas is no stranger to the stack-’em-deep-and-off-’em-cheap mentality. Back in 1994 the state carried out a triple execution — three men in less than three hours — and then did it again three years later. Apparently, eight men in 11 days is no big thing to Arkansans.

However, rumor has it Arkansas has had such a hard time finding the required witnesses that the director of the state’s corrections department asked a local Rotary Club for volunteers to watch the executions.

• RELATED: Utah corrections department releases protocol for executions by firing squad
• RELATED: How Utah’s execution by firing squad works

Speaking of the death penalty, Standard-Examiner reporter Nadia Pflaum just wrote a fascinating piece about how Utah’s execution by firing squad works. Included in her story: “The inmate is allowed to speak for no more than two minutes. If the inmate swears, he/she forfeits the remainder of the two minutes allotted for last words.”

Really? Swearing is the bridge too far?

Let me see if I’ve got this straight: A convicted killer is about to be executed in front of a live audience, and we’re worried about — what? That a little rough language will somehow detract from the otherwise dignified, family-friendly spectacle of watching a man being shot to death?

And anyway, they’re about to execute you. I’m pretty sure there’s not much more they could threaten you with.

Although personally, if it were me? I’d spend my final days scanning the internet for the absolute funniest joke I could find. Something so funny it makes even the most humorless of people wet themselves with laughter. (“Two prison guards walk into a bar …”)

Then, I’d tell that joke as my final words. Worst-case scenario: Your gallows humor has at least made a few people laugh nervously right before you’re executed. Best-case scenario: The members of the firing squad are still shaking with laughter, which throws off their aim, and maybe they just wing you.

Say, do you suppose bullets have an expiration date? And I certainly hope the bullets they use aren’t made of lead. Because we all know the health dangers associated with lead poisoning.

Contact Mark Saal at 801-625-4272 or msaal@standard.net. Follow him on Twitter at @Saalman. Friend him on Facebook at facebook.com/MarkSaal.