FISCHER: Lipstick, quartz and the world’s most expensive pig
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Jen FischerI closed on a home a few weeks ago that most buyers today would have walked into, wrinkled their noses and declared, “Well, it definitely needs updating.” Honestly, they would have been right. This home was built in 1963. The cabinets were original, as were the light fixtures, the countertops and the wallpaper. In fact, the furniture, while certainly well cared for, looked as though it had stepped directly out of a Sears catalog from the Kennedy administration. I thought it was awesome. Certainly not awesome because it was trendy. It wasn’t. It was awesome because it was honest.
My seller, a gentleman (by the true and original meaning of the word), was in his deep 80s. He had built the house himself more than 60 years earlier. He and his late wife had raised their family there. Birthday parties were celebrated there. Christmas mornings had happened there. Teenagers had slammed those doors. Grandchildren had run those hallways. The house had lived a full life. Yet somehow, after six decades, everything still worked exactly as it should. The original oak cabinets still closed perfectly. The wallpaper wasn’t peeling. The landscaping looked like someone had lovingly fussed over it every Saturday morning since Lyndon Johnson was president. Because, in this case, it had been. Even the mechanical systems reflected decades of conscientious maintenance instead of decades of neglect. Sure, it was dated, yet it was also beautiful. Perhaps the vocabulary I am looking for is “refreshing.” It felt so good to walk into a home that had never tried to pretend to be something it wasn’t.
Now let’s compare that with another property I showed some other clients the week after we listed the aforementioned home. This particular home sat in a very desirable neighborhood. Built sometime in the mid-1980’s, it had recently undergone what the listing proudly described as a “complete remodel.” Although the yard needed some work, at first glance at the interior, it looked fantastic. This home featured fresh white quartz countertops with soft gray veining, brand new shaker cabinets, fresh neutral paint and luxury vinyl flooring throughout. Fixtures had been updated and the bathroom vanities had as well. It was the kind of house that causes buyers to walk through the front door and immediately announce “This is it.” My clients were no exception. They wanted to write an offer immediately.
Before we did, however, I gave them the same speech that I give to almost every buyer looking at recently renovated homes. “This appears to be a flip. We will need to look carefully during inspections.” A flip, for those unfamiliar with the term, is when an investor purchases a home — usually one needing work — renovates it, then quickly resells it for a profit. Now before every investor in Northern Utah starts writing me angry emails, let me be clear. There are some phenomenal flippers who produce exceptional work. Unfortunately, some simply install attractive countertops. Whenever I see a fresh flip, I immediately become less interested in the quartz and far more interested in everything hiding underneath it. In short, lipstick has been fooling people for centuries. One of the greatest marketing tricks ever invented was convincing buyers that “updated” is the same thing as “well maintained.” Those words are not synonyms. A homeowner who changes furnace filters every three months is infinitely more attractive to me than one who installs a waterfall-edge island while ignoring the leaking roof.
The inspection findings spoke for themselves. The HVAC system wasn’t just old; it appeared to be actively negotiating with death. The water heater resembled an archaeological discovery with enough rust to qualify for historic preservation. The beautiful deck out back was rotting underneath and structurally compromised. The gorgeous new microwave was apparently installed with little more than hope and positive thinking. The kitchen island was not attached, which explained why it moved every time someone leaned against it. And the beautiful quartz countertop resting on top? Let’s just say it appeared to have entered a very tentative relationship with the island below in which neither seemed particularly committed.
Every hour we spent during inspections uncovered another expensive surprise hiding beneath all those shiny cosmetic updates. The funny thing is this: If you asked 10 buyers which house they wanted before inspections, I suspect eight or nine would have chosen the remodeled flip. Here’s the uncomfortable truth. A lot of people spend $70,000 making a house look like it costs $900,000 while ignoring the $8,000 worth of things that actually matter. It’s amazing what fresh paint can distract you from. Unfortunately, sometimes updated simply means someone covered 60 years of history with 12 gallons of agreeable gray paint.
One of my favorite sayings is this: “There is nothing more expensive than buying cheap repairs.” Those may not have been grandpa’s exact words, but it still applies. The gentleman who owned that 1963 home wasn’t trying to impress anyone. He wasn’t preparing the house for Instagram. Each repair had been done because it needed to be done. Every inch reflected decades of pride in ownership, and that matters. I ‘d rather buy a grandpa house than an Instagram house. Grandpa fixed things. Instagram photographs things. Those are two entirely different hobbies.
For me, if I had $700,000 to spend tomorrow, give me the ugly house owned by the 95-year-old retired machinist whose garage still has every owner’s manual neatly filed in a cabinet. Keep the trendy flip where every problem was solved with caulk, paint and optimism. Because after so many plus years in this business, I’ve learned one thing that no television renovation show will ever teach you. Character isn’t found in the countertops. It’s found in the craftsmanship. And craftsmanship never goes out of style.
Jen Fischer is an associate broker and Realtor. She can be reached at 801-645-2134 or jen@jen-fischer.com.


