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Bryant Thompson

Photo supplied, Weber State University

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Mikaela Ferry

Photo supplied

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For Georgetown professor Christine Porath, the study of incivility is personal. Her father experienced a heart attack after enduring incivility at work for more than a decade. Workplace incivility, such as interrupting, ignoring, mischaracterizing, undermining and disregarding, is low-intensity, deviant and disrespectful behavior that violates norms and harms individuals. An alarming 98% of employees report experiencing incivility.

Incivility can compromise our immune system and increase the likelihood of cancer, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. It increases burnout, cynicism and fear, while also reducing pro-social behaviors, cognitive processing, creativity, engagement, productivity, satisfaction and commitment. Incivility causes us to quit sharing information and stop asking for help. It might even cause us to change jobs. Incivility undermines our need to feel seen, heard, valued and understood such that incivility is difficult to ignore and not easy to forget. The wounds of incivility can stay with us for a very long time, sometimes decades.

One of the main causes of incivility is feeling overwhelmed by intense negative emotions. Yet, those who choose to engage in uncivil behaviors often end up feeling even more overwhelmed than before because they escalate their anger, damage their reputations, erode trust and toxify the work environment. Such behaviors also tend to overwhelm observers: It can be as painful to observe incivility as it is to experience it. Incivility is also contagious: Those who observe incivility are more likely to engage in it themselves.

Incivility can push us toward a “fight” or “flight” response. The challenge is that the “fight” response activates anger, and the “flight” response quietly nurtures it such that aggressive “fight” behaviors and passive aggressive “flight” behaviors both tend to escalate anger.

We suggest removing anger as one antidote to incivility. Anger is an intense emotion associated with hostile feelings, often in response to a perceived threat. Anger can also be a way for some to mask their sadness, anxiety, loneliness or depression. Although action-oriented and, at times, falsely presented as an indication of strength, anger is a dangerous toxin. From Aristotle, we learn: “Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.” Think back to the last time you were angry. Are you pleased with what you did in your anger?

Although giving into angry impulses might feel cathartic at the time, anger often elevates aggression and perpetuates rumination. In contrast, the pursuit of joy, connection and a sense of purpose are also action-oriented but are not linked to the dysfunctions associated with anger such as poor judgment, impoverished relationships and reduced well-being.

If you want help remove anger, Susan David, an expert on negative emotion, suggests four key steps: (1) ”show up” by allowing yourself to experience the raw emotion instead of shaming yourself for feeling it; (2) “step away” by labeling the emotion and distancing yourself from the emotion; (3) “rely on values” by aligning your behaviors with your values; and (4) “move forward” by continuing in your efforts even though you have not yet achieved your goal. These four steps take time, and the extent and rate at which one removes anger is a personal choice. It can also be a long journey.

As we consider removing our anger, it is essential to understand that removing anger does not remove consequences for uncivil behaviors. In fact, organizational leaders have the responsibility to help individuals experience just processes and fair interpersonal interactions by using informal and formal mechanisms to de-escalate toxic conflicts. Organizational leaders can also hire for civility, teach civility, reward civil behavior and penalize uncivil behavior.

We all have a responsibility to contribute to a collegial work environment. We will be in a better position to do this if we remove our anger. Anger is blinding. As we remove it, we might begin to see our circumstances more clearly. Instead of engaging in a “fight” or “flight” response, we might become more capable of approaching the conflict with warmth and respect — coupled with strong boundaries and clear expectations. We might begin to see our current adversaries as our colleagues whose needs are as important as our needs. We might begin to build positive momentum that will help us focus on bringing out the strengths in others instead of trying to exploit their weaknesses. The successful striving to feel seen, heard, valued and understood is often a joint pursuit. As we choose to quiet our anger, we will begin to heal and help our colleagues do the same.

Bryant Thompson is an Eccles Fellow and associate professor of business administration at Weber State University’s John B. Goddard School of Business & Economics whose research relates to forgiveness, identity, vulnerability and resilience. Mikaela Ferry is a graduate student in the Master of Science in Nursing program (with an emphasis on being a nurse educator) in Weber State’s Dumke College of Health Professions. She is completing a Master of Science in Nursing project on workplace incivility.