I’m not going to try to describe the Redwoods, there aren’t words. But that’s not to say there wasn’t a good deal of silliness during our time there too, and I CAN write about that.

We stayed in Eureka, a wonderful little city. Among other things it has a chocolate factory where we spent … never mind. We also took a ghost tour. We’ve done a number of these all over the world, but on this tour we experienced a manifestation! Our guide led us down a dark alley and stopped us behind a house where an unhappy woman had once lived. The house was still occupied and some of the upper windows were lit, but all else was dark and quiet. And then, a hand puppet suddenly materialized in the window! It was a skeletal dog! Oh No! It peered down at us, as menacing as a hand puppet can be, then sank mysteriously below the windowsill.

Speaking of menacing, what’s with all the banana slug stuff? There is a simply unbelievable amount of banana slug merchandise everywhere you go. So much, that you would think the forest floor would be covered to a disgusting degree. Not at all. We looked and looked and Dave finally found a small specimen. Of course this did not stop us from buying a slug pen, a pin, a Lego set and maybe a few other things. Brainwashing is very powerful.

The other merch to buy is anything Bigfoot. Again, by sheer quantity you’d expect to meet Bigfoot and all of his relatives around every corner, but we never caught a glimpse. We did however, go to the Bigfoot museum in Willow Creek where we met a true believer, and when we poked our heads into the giant cannabis shop across the street, we saw a giant stuffed Bigfoot smoking a joint. He is truly everywhere.

In addition to watching out for Bigfoots and banana slugs you should also watch out for antelopes. There are signs about this, but what they don’t tell you is what you should do if you meet one. Whatever the right thing is, I’m sure my reaction would be to gasp, freeze and wet my pants before being pounded into jelly. Luckily, we only saw a few at a distance, so I didn’t have to put my plan into action.

From the slugs at the roots and the Sasquatches lurking in the brush, the trees truly soar. Many grow hundreds of feet tall, so I got all excited for tree-top canopy experiences. By all means, search these out, but be prepared. The walkways were maybe 30 or 40 feet off the ground. Good enough for most of the world, but not here. Here, a measly 40 feet does not put you anywhere close to the canopy, instead, you wander amidst the tree trunks with basically the same view you would have if you stayed on the ground.

One of these “canopy walks” is in the Sequoia Park Zoo, which has a petting area that includes donkeys. After the zoo, we took a walk through Sequoia Park right next door. Did you know that if you’re in the middle of a timeless forest, a donkey sounds exactly like a T-Rex from the Jurassic Park movies? This is especially true if you can’t see other humans nearby.

Lastly, pack some healthy snacks. The Redwoods cover an enormous area and there are many tiny towns near the more popular trails. Each of these towns feature burgers with tater tots and fries or hotdogs with tater tots or fries. In larger towns you may also find pizza which comes with tater tots or fries.

Anyway, if your soul needs rest and if you can possibly get there, go see the Redwoods. But don’t feed your tater tots to the banana slugs or Bigfoots. It’s bad for them and they are plenty big enough already.

Anneli Byrd is an academic adviser in Weber State University’s General Studies and Exploratory advising.