I touch the screen and the immediate, loud “Welcome” wipes away all happiness. This is my weekly duel with the automated checkout voice. It never goes well. As I pull the noodles out of my basket, “she” says, “Scan your first item,” as though I might just choose to dawdle here instead. I scan the noodles, she quotes the price, then instructs, “Place your noodles in the bag.”

I’m already annoyed.

I grab the bananas and put them on the scale. “Look up the item,” she tells me, as if I’m not already doing that, frantically pushing screen buttons to shut her up. I figure it out. She weighs them, hollers out the price, then says, “Put your bananas in the bag.”

I wonder what I would do with my groceries if I don’t put them in the bag? Are there people who check out their groceries and then stack them on the nearby gum sales rack? Tuck them under their arms? Make someone else hold them? Why wouldn’t any shopper here “Put the item in the bag”? Have we really become this dumb?

I reach for the watermelon. This is fun because I have to find the sticker on this heavy orb, scan it on the screen, then set it down on the scale while she tells me to do all of these steps.

She hollers out the price, then says, “Place your watermelon in the bag.” Well, my watermelon won’t fit in the bag. In fact, there’s no place to put my watermelon except back in the cart.

But she won’t have it. When the watermelon doesn’t show up in the bagging area, she halts the process. A sign flashes on the screen that a store assistant is coming to “help.” The store assistants always appear with a bored, annoyed look on their faces, swipe a card without saying a word, then disappear. I’m back in business, tempted to treat every item this way just to mess with “her”. But I don’t want to be here all day.

I finish scanning everything in my basket. The voice instructs, “Check your basket, then press OK.” Do people actually leave stuff in their baskets? I wonder. I obediently touch “OK”, then try to ignore the voice directing me through a payment process I’ve already done hundreds of times.

The moment I remove my card from the machine, the voice says, “Remember to remove all bags and take them with you.” Really? Are there people who endure this regimen, then leave their hard-earned bags here?

I’ve become weary of an ever-increasing automated world out there that replaces what humans once did: make medical appointments, give test results, address bank account needs, buy event and movie tickets, fix my phone, check my investments, even buy my groceries for me. (So ironic!)

Just when I want more human interaction, it’s disappearing. The trade-off is machines for humans.

I want to chat with someone, thank someone, maybe lift someone’s day, hopefully be lifted by someone when I need it, pause to ask someone how they’re doing, be aware enough to detect when someone could use a friendly smile, talk to a real human being on the phone about my health or test results or bank account or purchase, and just appreciate the warmth of human interaction.

Efficiency is not progress when it robs us of each other.

And saying “Thank you” to the cart boy in the parking lot just isn’t enough anymore.