One morning before school, I asked my son a series of questions: Do you know what it means to be a bully? Do you know that sometimes bullies use harmful words to talk about a person’s culture and race? Have you heard any of these words at school? Do you know what it means to say the N-word?

He told me he knew about bullies and that he hadn’t heard anyone at school say mean words in relation to culture or race. But when it came to “the N-word,” he had questions. “What is that?”

This was tough to answer, but my spouse and I had been preparing him from a young age to understand our complicated world. In 2019, we even sat down with Karen Tao, associate professor in counseling and counseling psychology, for the PBS Utah series “Let’s Talk” to discuss how we talk to our son about race and cultural differences.

Throughout the years, we’ve used children’s books to teach our son about his cultural, ethnic and linguistic heritage. Today, his bookshelf is filled with literature that highlights so many different perspectives: Black, Latin American, Chicano/Mexican American, LGBTQ+ and women, to name a few. He’s proud to be a Zapotec-Chicano and sometimes jokes that he has a doctorate in Chicano studies, since he’s learned it from a very young age.

We thought this was important because, when he was little, my son attended early education learning centers where he was the only non-white student. At 3 years old, he began to describe his friends as “light” and his skin as “brown.” (He responded thoughtfully that everyone is different and that some have brown hair, eyes and skin.) While we live in a highly diverse neighborhood, at school and extracurricular activities, he’s often surrounded by friends who do not look like him or share his cultural background.

My spouse and I, on the other hand, were raised in the Los Angeles area, surrounded by family and friends who looked like us, had similar stories, and attended community and family events that celebrated our traditions and heritage. Now, as parents raising two children, we’ve been proactive in finding cultural and identity-affirming spaces, placing our son in a bilingual Spanish-English program at school that aims to provide cultural activities and programming. Although we realize this isn’t always possible for every family, we tried our best to surround him with resources.

Recent headlines reaffirm why this is so important. I’ve read several news stories of school districts and boards seeing a sharp rise of hateful, derogatory and discriminatory practices. One headline read, “Hate Crimes Reported in Schools Nearly Doubled Between 2018 and 2022.” More hate crimes were reported in elementary and secondary schools than in colleges and universities, according to an FBI report. Black children were the most frequent victims, followed by LGBTQ+ and Jewish Americans.

This is not just a national trend. Several schools and districts in Utah have been investigated for serious and widespread racial harassment. A federal investigation of a local district just 1 mile from our home found that on a daily and weekly basis, Black students were called the N-word and referred to as monkeys. Some of the children experienced racial harassment since kindergarten. Listening to these accounts made me nervous about my children and heartbroken for the children right here in our community. Hearing these hateful words and comments is crippling and takes away children’s joy and innocence. The N-word is not just a word; even as a “joke” among children, it causes psychological injury. These words pierce the soul.

The investigation in Utah found that school officials sometimes told Black and Asian American students to “not be so sensitive,” or excused the comments by saying their peers were “not trying to be racist.” Several teachers admitted they had heard students use the N-word and did not report it to administrators, instead telling the students to “watch their language.” All educational staff must report and respond. But I also think about the responsibility of parents or guardians whose children have used these derogatory terms. As a parent, what is your responsibility when informed that your child has used these words toward another child? What is your responsibility to prevent such behavior?

That takes us back to my son’s question that morning before school.

“You know, Papi, people use harmful words based on someone’s gender, race and ethnicity,” I told my son. “The N-word is one of those words. Think of these terms like a mosquito bite. People get bitten every day, and the bites are painful and annoying, but mosquitoes can also carry diseases that can make someone sick, and can even be deadly. It’s more than teasing or bullying. So, if you hear it, you should report it immediately and encourage others to speak up.”

Parents, students and community members are asking for more accountability from schools to prevent racial harassment. They ask for more training and education for teachers, staff and students. Given the current political climate and the rise of harmful speech in schools, cross-cultural dialogue is imperative. We can teach cultural humility — the ongoing process of self-exploration and self-critique combined with a willingness to learn from others. That means interacting with another person where you honor their beliefs, customs and values. That means pursuing immersion or experiential learning opportunities.

For our family, books and honest conversations have helped our children learn more about different cultures and histories. Perhaps those two things could go a long way for society, too, so we can prevent further harm caused by discrimination and harassment.

Andrea Garavito Martinez is an assistant professor of teacher education in the Jerry & Vickie Moyes College of Education at Weber State University.

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