Young widows unite
1 comment for this page [ View ]Wednesday, March 19, 2008
By JAMIE LAMPROS
Standard-Examiner correspondent
'We all became soul mates -- and we saved each other'
After Kimberly Love Killpack's husband died, she didn't want to see anyone but her immediate family -- and the stranger who sent a book to her during the viewing.
The book, "Tear Soup," was left to help comfort Killpack. Inside was a picture of another young widow by the name of Kimberly Kemp and her four children.
"I immediately called her," said Killpack, 43, of Pleasant View.
"She came up that night, and we talked for hours. It was so nice to talk to someone who said she knew how I felt and really meant it."
Kemp, 45, of North Ogden, said she knew she had to reach out to others because others had reached out to her.
Six months after her husband, Chris, died from complications of colon cancer at age 45, Kemp met a woman in the Ogden Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who was kind enough to reach out to her.
"Because of the kindness and friendship of this once-stranger, I learned the importance of reaching out to others when it feels like the right thing to do," Kemp said.
"Without that example, I don't know that I would have had the courage to meet any of these young widows."
Kemp told Killpack about other widows she had met, and they decided to arrange a time they could all get together.
"I met Michelle from a group in the Layton/Kaysville area. Her husband passed away two weeks after Sam. I knew I had to include her," Killpack said.
"Tonya was on the news a month after Sam died, and I had this overwhelming feeling she would be an important part of my life. I had known Angie's family ... We all became soul mates -- and we saved each other."
The group has grown from two women to more than 40. Including all the children, it adds up to more than 60.
Killpack's husband, Sam, was just 42 when he died in a bicycling accident, leaving behind five children.
"Sam loved riding his bike. He would ride to work about three days a week. The morning of May 2, he was doing what he loved," Killpack said.
Ten minutes after her husband left the house, she got a call telling her to go to the hospital.
"The moment I had been dreading. I knew he was gone. The hardest part was telling my kids. It was the worst day of my life," she said.
Angie Ferrin, of West Haven, knew how Killpack felt.
Her husband, C. Seth Ferrin, fell ill 21/2 years ago at age 31.
"We thought maybe he had the bad flu," said Ferrin, 33. "During the week, he would get worse and then start to feel better. It started on Monday, and by Friday, he was really sick. I called the doctor, and they told me if he didn't feel better to bring him in the following Monday."
He could never make that appointment. That weekend, Seth took a nap and never woke up. Cause of death was undetermined. Ferrin became a single mother to five children, including an 8-week-old girl.
A month and a half later, Ferrin met Kemp at the Ogden LDS Temple.
"I didn't know she was a young widow when I approached her. I just knew she was sad and I wanted to help," Kemp said.
"When we discovered we had both lost our husbands, we knew ours was not a chance meeting."
Ferrin said the two instantly connected and became very good friends.
"Our little group has grown into a lot of women because we have contacted other widows and people around us know about us and tell people who have lost their spouses," she said.
The group started getting together to hang out and talk. The women also started going to other viewings and leaving books and a card with their names and numbers on them for the grieving widow in case she needed to talk.
"There is always someone for us to talk to," Ferrin said. "We call or e-mail all the time. We call for everything -- when we are having a hard day and need support, and also to call for advice or to be there when someone has good news to share."
The women welcome anyone going through the same grief they have endured and want people to know they aren't alone.
"For someone who has lost their husband or spouse, don't give up. Find a support group. It made all the difference to have someone to talk with and even go places with," Ferrin said.
"When you lose a spouse, your best friend, there is a big hole. You need a way of having a friendship and a place to go without your children like you did before your spouse was gone. It'snot the same, but it's helpful."
For more information, e-mail Ferrin at angieferrin@comcast.net.
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You all have good hearts. You are thinking of others in need and it's healthy therapy for you, as well. I commend you all!