Friday , March 28, 2014 - 1:08 PM
Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.
But sometimes, a cigar is a thinly veiled attempt by the gay community to indoctrinate our children and normalize homosexuality in society.
I know, gang. I’m equally confused.
Recently, someone who writes a blog called “A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman” has been setting the Internet ablaze with her outrageous claims that the new Disney movie “Frozen” is part of some hidden gay agenda. To prove her point, she reprinted the lyrics to the movie’s popular song “Let It Go,” italicizing those words and phrases that either involve homosexual messages or mock traditional beliefs. Things like “isolation,” “queen,” “couldn’t keep it in” and, of course, “let it go” were all offered as evidence of the gay agenda.
I swear I wasn’t going to take a swing at this pitch. But then, two things happened:
1. I realized this woman was a Mormon, and that some folks might think I agree with her just because we happen to share a religion.
2. My wife and I went down to visit the grandbabies in Monument Valley, and I saw just how captivated these three young children — ages 5, 3 and 2 — were by the movie and its soundtrack.
As it so happens, Disney is out to make my two grandsons and granddaughter gay — or, barring that, make them so stinking liberal that they don’t even bat an eye when they eventually discover the blue fish in “Finding Nemo” is a lesbian.
While we were visiting our grandchildren, they must have sang and danced to the “Let It Go” song several hundred thousand times. Which, if what our well-behaved conspiracy theorist says is true, means they’re already indoctrinated.
Look, I try to be open-minded. Honest I do. If, for example, my grandson turns out to be gay, I won’t love him any less. But let’s face it: Society what it is, being gay is no picnic. So if there’s even a remote chance that song lyrics can alter the course of destiny — if you catch my drift — I’d just as soon he’s grooving to some highly hetero tune like Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” rather than a subliminally infused gay anthem like “Let It Go.”
Apparently, you can emphasize just about any old words in just about any old sentence and come up with something that sounds foreboding, like ...
• “Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, CONCEIVED in liberty and dedicated to the PROPOSITION that all men are created equal.”
• “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and VOID; and DARKNESS was upon THE FACE OF THE DEEP.”
• “These are NOT the droids YOU’RE LOOKING for.”
See what I mean?
Turns out, Disney has been trying to “gay up” America since the 1930s. A partial timeline:
1937 — “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” Never mind the fact that you had seven single men not just living together but — near as I could tell — sleeping together in the same room. And just in case that’s not enough evidence for you, consider the lyrics to “You’re Never Too Old,” which was originally slated for the movie, but was later replaced by “The Silly Song”: “Though your teeth are out/ And your whiskers sprout/ And your arches give away/ You’re never too old to be young and gay.”
1940 — “Pinocchio.” The classic film about a wooden boy gave us the song “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee,” which includes the line: “Hi-diddle-dee-day/ An actor’s life is gay.”
1952 — “Peter Pan.” He wears tights and hangs out with a fairy. Enough said.
1981 — “The Fox and the Hound.” Lyrics to “Best Friends” include the nefarious-sounding: “Neither one of you sees your natural boundaries .../ They say you’re both being fools/ You’re breaking all the rules/ They can’t understand your magic wonderland.”
1991 — “Beauty and the Beast.” In the song “Gaston,” the lyrics include: “For there’s no man in town half as manly/ Perfect, a pure paragon/ You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley/ And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on.” The phrase “playing for a team” is a common code for sexual orientation.
1997 — “Hercules.” Must we recount the history of the ancient Greeks, and where they stood on that whole same-sex thing? Now throw in lyrics like: “Who put the glad in gladiator? Hercules!/ Whose daring deeds are great theater? Hercules!”
1998 — “Mulan.” Wow. Disney was clearly on a roll in the 1990s. This is basically the story of a cross-dressing Asian woman. And here’s a fairly overt lyric: “Who is that girl I see/ Staring straight back at me?” Straight? Really?
Look, if Disney and “Frozen” have a gay agenda, then — shockingly — so does the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Its recordings over the years have included such homosexual-friendly tunes as “Deck the Halls” (“Don we now our GAY apparel ...”) and a Robert Frost poem set to music (“My little horse must think it QUEER, to stop without a farmhouse near ...”).
And let us not forget the traditional Catalan carol “Fum, Fum, Fum” (“Comes a most important day, LET US BE GAY, LET US BE GAY ...”).
By the way, for you Word of Wisdom enthusiasts, “Fum” means “smoke” in Catalan.
Huh. I guess sometimes a cigar really is a cigar.
Contact reporter Mark Saal at 801-625-4272, firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter at @Saalman. Find him on Facebook at facebook.com/mark.saal.
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